An all-so Pakistani post!! :)

Okay, so technically this is my 50th post and seriously, I am excited that I am finally writing it. I have been blogging for 6 months now, and in these six months I have been through a lot. My blog has been more than a place to share my thoughts for me. It has been a solace for me in times I was upset and heart-broken!

Writing has always helped me through difficult times. It's like a really brilliant way of sorting stuff out and organizing the messed up thoughts in my mind. For finding links between things, that don't connect. For person with humongous over-thinking-stuff problems like me, a blog or a diary is necessary. As I exceed normal people when it comes to thinking and obsessing over stuff, I prefer to have both.

Now as suggested by the topic, my 50th post is going to be about Pakistani stuff. In this this post of mine, I'll be focusing two very diverse subjects. This time my post does not only revolve around the culture of Pakistan and things that make Pakistan stand out, but also some social parameters of Pakistan, which I believe should be explored as well!

Women of Pakistan

Women are an object of respect and pride in the Pakistani society. As declared by the religion followed here, women are to be protected by their saviors, men. Men are given the responsibility to take care of women, as fathers, or brothers or husbands. The idea of an independent women, earning for herself, and leading life remaining single, is now not so novel in the Pakistani society, yet, it is still condemned by the religious fanatics and not accepted by the rural Pakistani society.

As the times changed, women in Pakistan moulded themselves according to the modern requirements. Yet, the Pakistani society was unable to mould itself with the modern times. Today, although, women in Pakistan do get opportunities to work, they face problems in different areas. Working women still demand a lot more!

My aunt, Rukhsana, is the principal of a government owned school in Pakistan. Now the government education sector in Pakistan is not at all remarkable and lies nowhere in comparison with the public education sector. The political instability and other major issues in Pakistan has led to negligence towards areas such as education. The government fails to fulfil it's duty in these areas and therefore the public sector exceeds in services and facilities provided. But as the public sector is really expensive, it is unaffordable for people with low incomes. Such people thus prefer the government owned schools, despite the flaws.

Ms.Rukhsana's school is built in a train tunnel, no longer used. As unimaginable as it already might be, it might just leave you aghast when you read that right above the tunnel is a very busy flyover, with cars speeding away all the time. The children study, with the noisy sounds of horns and engines playing as the background music!

When Ms. Rukhsana was first given the responsibility as the principal of the school, the school was in a very hopeless condition! Electricity and water supplies were absolutely absent. The paint was peeling of the walls and the furniture was broken. Students and teachers weren't regular and things seemed absolutely out of hand! Ms.Rukhsana didn't know where to begin!

She knew that the government did give funds to the school but the school administration was not putting the funds to use at all, and the government didn't keep a check either. Thus the first thing she did after becoming the head was keeping control on the funds and where they were used. She got the school painted and the furniture fixed. Electricity and water supply lines were brought to the school and the school was cleaned up. She had to go through a lot of difficulties, while trying to bring this change. She had to put in extra work hours, moving from one office to other, getting stuff approved, files signed. No wonder, by the end of everyday, she was as stressed out as ever, but the very next day she was on her feet, again.

Today, the school is educating around hundred students, who attend school regularly. The school is up to eighth standard and only for girls. The students who usually attend the school are underprivileged, their parents are illiterate and sometimes they have to work to support the family. Despite all this, the school produces brilliant debaters, wonder math students and most of all more responsible citizens.

Ms.Rukhsana is a perfect picture of a dynamic woman, in my eye. She is wears cool designer lawn(summer fabric) prints and at the same time she travels in public bus. She doesn't let her status or class define her, her character is a definition of who she is. Her taste in clothes and shoes is excellent, and she loves what she does. She follows her heart and most of all, she spoils me. She is my favorite aunt. I interviewed her, especially for my blog, 'cos people like her shouldn't be hidden from the world. She is a perfect Pakistani woman!

So Here goes:

• All-Pakistani girl: Why did you choose education as your field of profession?

Ms.Rukhsana: Back when I was in school, I used to observe my Head Mistress, Ms. Salma Aiwan. She was a 'woman of principles'. Her administration was strong and she was strict about following the rules. She used to teach me English. Being her student I was inspired by her and I wanted to be like her. That is when I decided that I would like to choose education as my field of profession. Later I got another such teacher who inspired me, she used to teach us biology. These teachers inspired me and therefore later when I had to choose a career path, I chose teaching.

• APG: What are your strengths and weaknesses?

M.R: My friends and my determination are my strengths. My friends stand by me all the time and support me in everything I do. They offer me the right advice at the right time and help me get through difficult situations. Without them, I would be really helpless. Other than that, I believe that my determination is another driving force to my success. When I set my mind on something I endeavor as hard as ever to achieve it!

My domestic responsibilities, would certainly be my weakness. I say this, not because I hate them, but because they stop me from things I aspire to do. Taking care of my family, obviously, comes first. Compromising on family needs for work is not right and therefore, at a lot of times I choose family over work!

• APG: If you could one thing in this world, what would you change?

M.R: If I could change one thing in this world, I would certainly change the system of government owned education in Pakistan. I have been associated with it for more than 10 years now and the more time I spend the more I realize, how much students are suffering. Education is a right of every citizen and everyone deserves it, in the best way!

• APG: Where would you like to go for holidays?

M.R: I would like to visit India. It is a land of my forefathers. My mom hails from India.

• APG: One thing you can't stand at all.

M.R: I can't stand dishonesty at all.

• APG: Who has affected your personality and what you are today?

M.R: My dad has a big hand in what I am today. I was very intimate with my dad and he used to guide me through a lot of things in my life. I have adopted a lot of his positive points. He has played a major role in building up my personality!

• APG: What color do you like the most?

M.R: I really like sky blue! It is my favorite!

• APG: Name one thing you love shopping for.

M.R: I do enjoy shopping for clothes, but more than that I enjoy shopping for home goods, example, crockery. I love shopping for mugs or plates or various dinner sets. I really like that!

APG: Aunt Rukhsana, you are the best!! :) :) :)

So here was one social aspect of Pakistan. Now if you have still survived the post, you can hang around to check out a cultural festival I attended a few weeks back. The festival focused on the culture of one of Pakistan's province: Sindh. I live in Sindh, but I have not yet explored the whole province. Well here are some pictures of Sindhi culture: the clothes, the jewelery and lot more!!

A traditional fabric

A peacock hand-embroidered on fabric

A pretty embroidered over-coat

An elephant hand-embroidered on a wall hanging

A painting of a girl!

Hand-etched on stone

Beautiful etching on stone!

The etch-er himself with his tools!

A beautifully etched lamp!

Hand painted pot!

Hand painted pots!!

More pots!

Antique pendant shaped like a fish from the deserts of Tharparkar!

Ring from the deserts of Tharparker. [on my nail-nitten hands]

Another ring! Nice!

More jewelery from the deserts of Tharparker in Sindh!

The traditional footware: kola pori

Another traditional footwear: Khussa [my mom didn't let me buy these :( ]

Weaving of a traditional fabric: sussi

The traditional fabric: sussi

Where do I stand??

I have been pretty busy lately preparing for my Mid-terms.  I am trying to put most of my time in studies. Pretty unsuccessful though, I don't think I am still putting in 100%. It is not even 50%, dang! The thing is I am addicted to my blog and all those who leave their comments on my posts. Yesterday while practicing trigonometry, a thought about Amy randomly made it's way in my mind and then I started thinking about Mel and Galikae and Ayak. I wondered what was happening around in their lives. Therefore I promised that I'll update my blog tomorrow and visit everyone else's. So here I am.

Now let's begin with what has been up in my life. Well to begin with, I am starting to lose faith in myself. I am clinging hard to that little string that says: 'It's alright!'. I want to do so much. But my determination doesn't seem to have the magnetic quality of attracting opportunities. The right opportunity doesn't fall in my lap at the right time. I did the debate, I screwed up! I didn't get the editor thing for the school magazine. I got into the English literary society, but nothing ever happens over there. I have lost faith in my writing skills, my public speaking skills. I don't even think, I write that good, anymore. There are so many talented people around me, they use such big words. I never get a big word when I want to. My writings are so stupid and simple. My debate sucked, I know. That is why I lost. I don't even know what people think of me!! :(

I want to do so much. I want to change the world someday, I aspire to do a lot. I have big aims for tomorrow. But I am soo weak at heart. I lose hope quickly, I have faced many failures in life and no wonder they have made me strong. I wait restlessly for my moment, which I call as my moment. I know I suck at writing, I am not even talented or creative!!! Where do I stand?? Which quality do I possess? I seriously have no clue!! 

So I cling to my faith in God and hope that He'll help me retrieve my faith in myself. I shed a tear or two sometimes, but I pray that things will get better. And I try my best to believe that they will, 'cos after all I have faith in God. And that helps. 

I am finally down to my 50th-post. I have a surprise for my blog readers. I am busy these days and don't get time to return comments. I just want to tell y'all that you are the nicest blog readers ever and your comments; they always help! Love ya.   

Here is a hit new Pakistani song I am addicted to..enjoy! IT IS H.O.T!! :P

 

Away from school, less complications!

So I am enjoying my weekend, doing absolutely nothing. Although I have to study A LOT! My midterms are approaching but I am doing absolutely nothing. I just facebook, all day long! I blog and I chat with my friends. I have tried opening books but I shut them every time I open them up. Then I return back to my laptop. That is all that I do these days!

By the way, I feel important to mention over here that I have been a little naughty over the weekend and I have been stalking people on facebook, and when I say people, I mean 'this girl' and 'a guy'. Now I think that 'this girl' has a major crush on 'a guy' and she LOOVES his attention! Absolutely! She puts on statuses for him and she puts on bumper stickers for him. 'This girl' is a friend of mine and I have noticed some change in her attitude. She would NEVER agree that she is crushing on him, but I have talked about this to a lot of people. And everyone drew out the same conclusion: 'this girl' likes 'a guy'. Now 'this girl' and 'a guy' are always chatting on statuses through comments and everything. It seems really stupid, how hard 'this girl' has fallen for 'a guy'!! I just know she has fallen for him.

Now I really don't know if 'a guy' has fallen for this girl or not. 'Cos as far as I know 'a guy' likes someone else and only takes 'this girl' as a friend. I don't know how accurate my presumption is but 'this girl' certainly likes 'a guy'! No doubts about that!! Na-un!

So anyway, I have been stalking both of them since yesterday, visiting their wall and reading through their conversations and analyzing them. I relate 'this girls' bumper stickers and other such stuff to 'a guy' and everything seems soo obvious! I feel like screaming DUH at the top of my lungs.

Yesterday, I showed all the conservations and stuff that they had on facebook to my cousin. I was acting out all the lines that were written as 'this girl' and 'a guy'. We laughed our head off! GOSH, that was funny! :P

Life is more fun, when the cursed name of 'high school' doesn't interfere the sweet lyrics of my life. I have awful fun at home, doing nothing. Anyway, life puts forth challenges and you have to skid through those. I try my level best to skid through my challenges, with God's help. I hope God gives everyone the courage to move on with life.

Anyway, I'll be reaching a 50th post pretty soon and I am thinking of doing something special! I'll let it be a surprise! :) Happy Sunday people! :)

P.S: Please join the Hair, Nails, Blogs community! It is on my sidebar! :)

Crying day!

So I broke, unintentionally into tears today at the lunch time in front of my friends and probably a lot of other people around. I just couldn't help it, two bad days in a row were just too much for me to handle!

Yesterday, I lost the debate. Today, I lost the post for the support co-editor of the school magazine. And there is this teacher's pet girl who got that. Just because she has been to America while I am just a local. My teacher wouldn't want me!!

So when I heard about this, I was soo flabbergasted that I started crying, hot burning tears started rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't stop crying. My friends went all wary, they started consolidating and stuff. It is nice to have a good bunch of people around you, who try to make you feel better even when it is next to impossible!

So, then in a crybaby voice, I told the 'Gothic inside' guy everything that had happened, and he cheered me up in a really nice way. nice guy he is! :)

The real reason, I was really disappointed was that in my old school a friend of mine and I, were selected as the editors. I did all the work while my friend chilled out. And when the magazine came out, her name was there as the editor all-the-same! She was given equal credit!

Anyway, her friend showed the magazine to a teacher and the teacher got her selected for the post of second post. The first one was taken by the teacher's pet girl. This boiled me up to the brim... I was all like, a girl can get the post in regard of the work she never did and I couldn't get it for my own freakin' hard work!

So this made me cry and I cried my heart out when I came back home and my mom was worried sick. She hates when I cry..I hate that too!! But I couldn't help it.

A girl of my class read my blog and now I'm kinda cautious!! I did make her promise that she won't read it again, I hope she sticks to that, or I'll have to shut my baby bloggy down. Enough for today.

Toodles! :)

I LOST! :(

I lost the debate! And I felt really bad. I went there on the stage, I was pretty close to forgetting my lines at some point, I skipped one whole most important paragraph of my debate and the asshole from my class kept laughing, distracting me! But you know what?? Sitting here in my room, 8:00 at night, I say, I don't freakin' care. So what, that I lost, at least I tried. Why should I even care that I messed up or that asshole was laughing at me! That asshole has nothing better to do, 'cos if he would have he won't be wasting his time laughing at me!

So no wonder I was really disappointed initially when I heard that I had lost. I have been debating for four years in a row and i have never won anything. Maybe I should get used to losing now. Maybe debate ain't my thing. I just do it! So my contorted itself into a crybaby form, and I seemed pretty sad! But bless those really really really nice friends that I have that made everything bearable. I thank whole heartedly, the nicest high school friends one could ask for: 'Gothic inside' guy, Mr. Arsi and his twin sista Ms. Amsi!

So the 'Gothic inside' guy kept trying to cheer me up, like a friend, a good friend. I am happy that no stupid relationship junk interferes. Sometimes it is nice to have it 'just friends' way! :)

So anyways, tomorrow the lunch is on me and 'Gothic inside' guy, for two reasons. He got his prefect post back (which was taken from him) and I represented my whole class in the speech! So we will be giving everyone a 'treat', that is what we call it here! :)

Anyways, I am glad that I am over my disappointment, thanks to a lot of people. My cousin came over after such a long time and we had crazy time together. Tomorrow is Friday, I am happy that the week is coming to an end! I do need a break from high school crapology, as MelRoxx puts it!

I leave you with this song, which has been my favorite since 8th garde. I love the music video! Just tooo cute. So here goes, Lionell Richie -I call it love!

The debate is tomorrow, fingers crossed!

Okay, so I should be practicing right now. I have a debate competition tomorrow and I am so hoping that I win. I have practiced and people say that I am doing good but all that matters is that impression I put the judges under. I hope I do good! :) -fingers crossed-

So high school, has been pretty complicated and pain-in-the-butt kind these days. There is this guy in my class, who has a a humongous crush on one of my good friends, and he thinks that I am the one stopping her from getting into a relationship with him! And he LOATHES me for that!! That guy is one of those assholes I have written about in my previous posts as well! I mean, what gives him the idea that I would ever butt into someone else's life and stop them from getting into a relationship. I mind my own business and my friend doesn't even like him back. And now that guy is totally after me. He looks at me as he is out to get me, to chew me alive!! My friend hates him as well, but he is under such a stupid random expression that she likes her... GOSH!

So anyway, I had a really nice girl-to-girl talk with a van-mate of mine today. She is such a nice person and awfully cute. A lot of guys in college would like to go out with her, 'cos a lot of guys like her! She is really pretty and cute, it felt nice talking to her!

The 'Gothic inside' guy, seems like a real ladys' man. Girls in my van, they like hanging around with him a lot. He seems pretty popular amongst them! I kinda like him too you know, he is a really nice guy. 'Gothic inside'; no wonder!! :P

I also interviewed for the post of support co-editor for the school magazine. I hope I make it! My interview went pretty well. I have loads to catch up on in my studies. I missed the Mathematics class and the Physics class to practice for debate today. I still have to study for my mid-terms! Gosh, I think I should stop writing now, I soo need to practice! I hope I win! :)

I had fun!! -all laughs-

I had a really nice time at school today. I laughed like hell and it was just really fun. I felt pretty light, like I didn't even give a crap about any of those assholes anymore. I just felt like this: ~~I am what I am, I can't help myself and if you don't like it get with somebody else~~ (as sung by the Jonas Brothers)! I seriously gotta hand it to those who leave such nice comments. No wonder for them they are just words but for me they are like lubricants which help me slip through the roughest of situations. Love you guys!!

Wondering what made my day all fun-ey today? Well to begin with I hung out with some of the nicer people in my grade today in the lunch time and they made me laugh till I had tears in my eyes!! I went totally crazy, laughing and jumping and throwing stuff at each other! Gosh it was sooo much fun and to top it all the 'Gothic inside' guy was pretending to be a gay and it was AWFULLY funny! I seriously laughed till I cried, though it was a bit unethical :/. But sometimes, it is nice to have a laugh for the sake of it. My day was LOL!

Anyway, my laptop got fixed and now I can blog with ease. I am thinking of designing an award just for lovely commenters!! ;) Hope you all have a nice week! :)

Hurt!! :(

So there is this guy who lives in our neighborhood, two years younger than me. He is a friend of my brother's and a friend of mine as well. So 3 months back, back in July he confessed, that he is madly in love with me. Let's just call him Mr.A. 

Mr.A goes to a posh school in a city, you know the ones where all the brats and daddy's princesses study. People from such schools usually have this major superiority complex and consider everyone inferior to them. They believe that they are the only people who can afford every thing! Money is everything for them. 

Now, I don't goto a super posh school but my high school is certainly one of the best in Karachi (the city where I live) but as it is not situated in a posh area, I certainly am a part of the inferior society in their eye.

I am a really average Pakistani girl, I have a tan  complexion, little dark circles round my eyes, really really really really bushy hair and a healthy figure. I am not the model type perfect girl, who spends a lot of time on her to make her look good. I am average and I am content with that!!I belong to well-off family and get everything I ask for. I am not spoiled but I don't have to compromise on stuff either. I goto a high school a lot of people dream of and I have a bunch of really cool friends with me. I am absolutely thankful to God for everything I have and I can ask for nothing more!! 

So when Mr.A confessed to me (0n Facebook chat) I tried knocking some sense into him. Made it clear that I am older than him, that I don't like him back, that there are better, hotter girls in his school. But he was determined and I gave up. I still think it is awfully stupid of him to like me, but I am pretty impotent at this point!

So Mr.A put a status on me on Facebook and one of his daddy's-princess-friend was all like, 'I have seen the picture of the girl whose name started with 'k' (me), are you serious?? :D' on his status. And then Mr.A went like, 'How do you know about this!!'

When I read this for a while I felt kinda bad. Bad that I ain't that pretty, bad that I don't go to such a school. I mean, when she said 'are you serious?' was it like, I am not worth being liked?? And I wonder where she saw my picture from! Maybe I am not the pretty princess type but I still have a darn heart and sometimes it still hurts! I can go around being all sensible and mature but by the end of the day I am a sixteen year old teenager, I have feelings and a heart!!!

Is money the only freakin' thing that matters these days, and even if it does it is not like I am broke. I am pretty content but I guess it is more important to live in a posh area, study in a posh school and spend as much money on yourself as you can to appear pretty all the time!! Other things, they don't matter anymore!!!

I kept trying to explain myself, reasoning it out that how stupid it is to feel bad for such a thing. It is not like I like Mr.A back, so why should I care? But I have to admit I am just sixteen and that thing the girl wrote, just broke through all the walls of maturity and sensibility right into the fragile heart of this sixteen year old. And this sixteen year old is really really hurt! :( 

They say they aren't serious!!! LOL

Okay so I mentioned this guy, Mr.T in my previous post. The one who keeps flirting with a girl, say Ms.F, in my grade even though he has a girlfriend (probably his mom and dad don't even have a clue about that!)

So today in the Urdu (my mother tongue) class, we were reading a romantic short story. Ms.F and Mr.T were sitting partners and the whole flirting and girl-blushing thing was going on, when the teacher asked Mr.T to read it. Now when he was reading it the teacher asked him to read in a really soft romantic way; the way it was meant to be read. And do you know what he replied?

He went like, "I am sitting at the wrong place then!" (as in, he was sitting besides Ms.F)

GOSH! 'Wrong place'! What an obvious flirt!! What an obvious flirt!!!!! But even then I guess Ms.F went red, as if this was the cutest remark ever!!! I mean okay, if the whole scene would have been different, I kinda think it was cute. But keeping the whole already-has-a-girlfriend scene in mind and how all of this is hidden from their parents AND how unethical it is; it was just plain WRONG!!

Once the school was over, I had a little chat with Mr.F and asked her about the whole thing.

I was all like, "You seem pretty red all the time these days!!"

She went, in the girliest guilty-of-liking-Mr.T's-flirtatious-comments kinda voice, "No, it is not what you think. We are not at all serious, in fact Mr.T is really serious with his girlfriend. He just jokes around with me"

'Not serious', my butt!!! I mean if they are not serious and if this is all a charade why does Mr.T look at her as he desperately wants her. If Mr.T is really soo serious with his girlfriend, why is that asshole flirting with some other girl????

I feel bad for Mr.T's girl friend. She goes to some other high school and probably doesn't even know what a asshole her boyfriend is. And if she does I feel that she herself is the biggest loser ever, still sticking to him! Girls are such mindless freaks!!!

Anyway, as the whole story does not concern me in any possible manner. I don't say a word about it in high school, I just let it be. I have not taken responsibility to correct everyone's deeds now; have I?? I just wanted to get it all out, everything that I think about this darn matter, so I wrote it down here. Do let me know what you think.

I just gave my blog a makeover. Tell me if you like it or not. Also please add me on Facebook!! :) 

Toodles!! :)

It's always the same guy girl thing!! :/

So I got in the English literary society!! YAY ME!! :) I am really happy. The 'Gothic inside' guy didn't make it though. I think it was a little awkward, you know, me getting in; he is really good at English too, maybe better than me and he should have gotten in. Oh well, I hope he gets something else, equally good or maybe better.

Finally I have something to look forward to in college other than the antics of those freakin' assholes in my class. Okay, so maybe this is the point where my readers might notice a difference. My blog readers might be surprised at how much I have been abusing lately. But trust me, I have a valid reason for that. I am sick and tired of people in my grade, they seem soooo irritating and stupid. Writing it all here on my blog makes me feel better whenever I look at them making fun of me or quietly passing a comment about me. It keeps me calm through those situation, helps me not getting into a fight with them. My heart dances a little funky dance whenever I they do something bad to me, 'cos those freaks don't know that a bunch of people in far off countries know them as assholes. The thought never lets me down!! In fact it makes me stronger and more confident through the day, I don't give a damn about what they do or say, I have an online journal and people who care!! (Even though my readers are really small in number!!) 

But, what if I am mistaken about them. What if I just think that they are commenting on me when they don't even care??? Well if it is so, though I know it's not, than I will apologize to them on my blog. For now I am sure it ain't so!

So anyway, there is this guy in my class, Mr.T, who has a girlfriend. I really don't know if he is serious with her or not but he is a big flirt and a pervert and a...okay, that is a different story. So he is a big flirt and he flirts with this really nice girl in my grade. It is so annoying, I mean he eyes her in such a weird way, and no wonder the girl really likes his attention and likes it when he sits partners with her. BUT IT IS STILL SO FREAKIN' SICK! I just keep telling myself that I can't take control of everything now; can I?

I also really really hate it when guys and girls go all physical with each other for no good  reason. I mean why would you want to touch some guy's hand or let that guy touch you or ruffle that guy's hair and stuff like that, if you are 'just friends' with that guy. Gosh, it seems so gross!!! :/ If this is how the friend business works, I sooo don't want to stick around for the relationship business. I have guy friends too, but we never go physical, I always keep my distance. That is how people from a respectable Pakistani society should act. Only if we valued our culture and the boundaries it has set for us. Only if... but who cares anymore???

I guessI have babbled enough for today. Please add me on Facebook. :)

Toodles :)

Juniour year! Again!!

So I haven't posted about my crazy twisty weird junior year since I don't know when. I don't get enough time to write on, although there is sooo much going on!

To begin with, the 'Gothic inside' guy found out about my blog and that is the reason I had to shut my blog for a while. Then I had to make him promise not to access it and then make the blog accessible again. Now he has been asking me since then to let him read the blog. And all I can muster as an answer is 'no'. When he asks why, I say it's not just meant for people who belong to the place I babble all the time about. What else can I say "Oh no, I can't let you read it 'cos it is filled with crap regarding you and a lot of other people from junior year. Stuff that people are not supposed to know even exists in my mind." Yeah right! This online diary is SOOO not meant for people about whom it is written! It is filled with crap.

By the way, I think I should find another name for the 'Gothic inside' guy. He really ain't that Gothic although he is a little freaky. Okay not just a little, maybe a wee bit more than that. He does a really weird thing with his eyebrows, moving them frantically up and down; makes him look like a freak! And then he can contort his tongue in a really eerie way, that makes him look like a freak as well. Other than that he isn't that bad a guy, in fact he is a good friend now. So we'll just call him...ummm...okay why don't you people select a name. You have been reading about him for a long time. For now I'll just stick with 'Gothic inside' guy! 

Okay, so there are some guys in  my grade, who can get killed anytime this week! You wanna know why?? Simply because I HATE them so darn much, that I won't mind killing them. I mean what is their problem?? I don't talk to them, don't mingle up with them, never did anything bad to them..WHY THE HECK ARE THEY AFTER ME??? Freakin' assholes (sorry for that, but I am really pissed off!) One of them keeps pointing and laughing at me and mimes whatever I say!! And the other one, he is just bothered about every freakin' thing that I do! I hate even looking at their faces. They even seem like perverts to me! ASSHOLES!!

But I rather not fight anyone! So I just hide my menacing emotions for those abominable hideous dorks and move on as if I don't notice anything.

High School is soooo complicated!!!

Anyway, I created a Facebook badge, please add me. Talking of Facebook I think I have just had too much! I am turning into an addict. I keep playing Farmville all the time or socializing with people or taking stupid applications. I just can't stop, just can't freakin' stop. (Okay, is the word freakin' starting to sound a little weird to you!!) 

I interviewed for the English literary society today, I hope I get in. My interview went really good. The 'Gothic inside' guy auditioned with me as well. His interview went pretty good as well. Let's see what happens!

After this I'll visit some of my favorite blogs. I am thinking of giving my blog a makeover, please tell me what do you think of the idea, should I give it a make over or should I let it be. I have to study loads but I sooo don't feel like it. Please add me on Facebook! :)

Toodles!

I feel like crying!

I missed the annual examination board ceremony in which I was to receive an award! I feel like killing my self, I feel like crying and I totally hate myself. Who misses board ceremonies?? They are such MAJOR events, maybe dumbos like me. I wish I could bush the rewind button and go back and receive the award!! I suck!! :(

I can mark this moment as one of the biggest moment of REGRET in my life! I feel like wailing and weeping and crying out loud. But what is done is done, and it won't ever come back. I missed one of the biggest events in my life and it won't ever come back.

I'll sit here write down my sorrows, cry in front of my mommy and daddy and then one day I'll look back at it and say 'Darn, I wish I was there!'

Maybe everything happens for a reason and maybe God had a reason behind it, things I might never know. I'll just humanly keep blaming myself and crying!! :(

They call us 'terrorists'!

My school is off today, and it will be for the next 2 days! The reason: Pakistan has been under constant threats from the terrorists. Everyday you can hear the televisions blaring with the news of how many people lost their precious lives to satisfy the bloody, life-thirsty appetites of beasts from nobody-knows-where.

Yesterday, the two blasts in the university, situated in the state capital killed two students. This is where we stand. The thirst for knowledge and the dream of having a decent career can result in your own life being snatched away from you, making you a part of this bloody endless race in which nobody wins. Today the people of this nation are under such trepidation, that they have to think a million times before heading towards a school. They have to consider it over and over if they should move out of their houses to earn a living. This state of uncertainty and fear is where every Pakistani citizen dwells these days and there is no way out!

In the past three years we have lost count of the number of people who became the victims of these terrorist attacks, we have lost count of the children who were orphaned, of the women who were widowed, of the mothers who lost their flowers, of the families who lost their only source of earning. We have lost count of the tears that have stained innocent faces, the blood that was shed and the hearts that were broken. Over the time of these past three years, we have lost count of how much every Pakistani has suffered!

But today when we go anywhere outside Pakistan, people call us Terrorists! They call us extremists, they think we are killers, they say Pakistan is dangerous! Maybe I couldn't disagree with that, 'cos Pakistan is dangerous, but we are not killers. And those who are, they are not Pakistanis and neither are they Muslims. Muslims don't kill innocent people, they don't celebrate when innocent blood is shed. In fact they aren't human beings, they are animals; who just care about satisfying their hunger and nothing else.

So if you are one of those who call us terrorists, please think again! 'Cos in this endless reign of terrorism, no state has suffered as much as Pakistan has. I pray to God that He will protect us from those whose hunger for blood will never end. Amen.

My granddad, may God bless his soul

Okay so It has been two weeks since or maybe more than that since I last wrote a blog post! In fact I had to shut down my blog for a while, the reason for that: the 'gothic inside' guy from my grade found out about my blog and I sooo didn't want him to know about all the freaky bad stuff I have written about on this blog of mine so I had to shut down the blog for a while! But I really couldn't keep myself away so I sorted stuff out with him and made him promise that he won't visit it and here I am blogging again!

But while I was away, something saddening happened, just a day before my birthday! Something like a black hole, a dark whirlpool which just swooshed away the happiness in me making me feel miserable! My granddad passed away on the morning of 4th October 2009.

There are somethings in your life of which you grow so accustomed that you only realize their importance when they go missing. That is how I feel about my granddad's love, maybe I was so accustomed of having him around, of moving around in the air filled with his love and concern that I never realized that someday I'll have to deal with his absence. That someday the air would be empty that some day things would change and never ever be the same. I never thought that 4th October 2009 a day before my 16th birthday, would be that 'someday'!

My granddad was a great unique man, his style was different. The way he did things, it was like no other. I never realized how much he actually loved until I thought over each and every memory I hold in my mind, while sitting in a corner at his funeral. He wanted me to be a journalist or an analyst. He really did care and all those times when I used to get pissed off by him, I forgot how much he actually loved me!

It is weird how this world works! How you don't realize anything unless its absent, how the black holes can drown you in with them. How one human life can leave an impact on a hundred others.

All I remember doing in the two days that followed his death is crying, remaining silent, crying, remaining silent. Everything I did was a reminiscence of the time he was around. I missed college the next day, I didn't have enough courage to actually make myself go.

The day after I attended college. I left my house with a heavy heart, kept trying to suppress my tears, but that lump in my throat just won't disappear. I kept swallowing in the attempt that it'll pass but it didn't. Finally when I got off my vann and entered the college I let go and broke into tears. The 'gothic inside' guy said some words which my blank mind failed to understand. But he kept uttering and stuff finally started making sense. He was successful in cheering me up. People were really nice to me the whole day, made me feel better and for the first time every I was happy being stuck here in this high school, with these people!!

Well I am finally back to blogging. My mom is shouting wants me to close the computer down. I have loads of homework and have to take a bath as well. For all those reading this post, Welcome back to the Diary of an All-Pakistani girl!

My motto for today:- Let's get CRAAAAZZY!!

Okay so today I skipped my high school to visit my old school today. My old school is a really nice place, and now I miss it soooo darn much. Back when I was studying there I was super popular among the teachers and the students. I was a straight A student, really active in literary activities and playing pranks, a total tomboyand all the girls used to love my plucky style. I was valued there and I really felt like someone.



So today was the Eid milan Party at my old school and everyone came in their casual dresses. All of my old friends, who were in my grade skipped their high schools too, to visit school.



It was totally off-the-hook meeting all those people, people I used to goof around with. Teachers whose classes I used to skip. My English teacher appreciated me a lot and I appreciated her a lot too. It felt sooo nice meeting her again and meeting my computer teacher, who really appreciated me for my computer skills but hated my pranks!



We shared our eerie experiences from high school life and laughed at stuff which usually worries me. I met my best old school buddy and we laughed like hell today. Together my time at school was something i really needed. A big break from my high school life!!



Once the school was over, we planned to go to Pizza Hut. But the problem is how do we reach there? So what we did was we got on an already over crowded school van and stuffed ourselves in! I had to stand all the way but it was totally fun. when we reached there we did all sorta crazy stuff, laughed like hell and everything went great!!

By the end of the day I was just happy that i had got the much needed break from my high school life!!

Eid room makeover!! :)

Guess who's camera got fixed???? MINE

Today is the final day of our Ramadan fast and InshAllah tomorrow will be Eid. Now the Islamic calender works on the basis of the moon cycle. The moon repeats its shape after every thirty or twenty nine days. So what actually happens is that the last day of every month is the day when the moon is in it final phase and after which the moon repeats it's shape. Now as the moon can repeat it's shape after 29 days as well, we aren't certain when the new month will start. But it's always after either 30 days or twenty nine. So we are expecting that the final phase moon will be today, signalling the end of Ramadan and and beginning of Shawal (Islamic month after Ramadan) . Eid is celebrated on the first,second and third of Shawal. I am planning to take a picture of the moon and put it on. Though spotting the moon is really difficult!

So as I have mentioned in my earlier posts Eid is a major festival for Muslims! We wear knew clothes, decorate our houses an prepare delicious food. And therefore today I spent almost the whole of my afternoon in giving my room a little Eid makeover.

I have taken a decision that for the next three days of Eid, I'll be keeping you updated with all the festivities, I'll call it the "THE EID PICTURE MANIA"!! For all those who visit my blog and read through my pointless chitter chatter, for the next three days I'll try my level best to keep the babbling low and pictures high!! :) So here goes, my room makeover:

Check out my new beady curtains and the huge Manchester United Poster on my door!!

Come on in!

So I went really really girlie this time with my room! Check out the ribbon and the bow! Simple yet cute!

I love the huge window and my cozy little bed :)

My mirror and my dressing table!! BTW my mirror agrees that I am the prettiest one of them all!! lol

I have a really small dressing table, 'cos I don't use many beauty products!

And to top all, a super cute dustbin!!! :)

Eid coming!!

Okay so it has been ages since I last updated my blog. The truth is that I have sooo much to do, homework, making eid cards, shopping, high school! I don't even get enough time to write on my blog.

Anyways, Eid is just two days away, WOW! I am soo excited. I wanted to put up the pictures of my shopping trip but couldn't 'cos my camera aint working properly!! :( I'll get it fixed and soon put the pictures on!

About high school, things have been kinda wierd, can't write anything about it due to privacy reasons! :S Though I would looove to share, but my hands are tied. My exams are starting from Monday and I haven't even touched my books yet! I hate studing in Eid holidays, why should I? Eid only comes once a year, exams come every month. Anyways, as my mom wouldn't let me off like that, I don't have a choice.

Today is the final Friday of the holy month of fasting, Ramadan. We call it 'Jumma-tul-Wida'. My mom has made a really pretty pink and silver dress for me. I loove it, I wish I could put the picture on, but darn it, my camera bailed on me!

Anyways, I would love to listen to your holiday experiences; Christmas, Holi, Eid, Thanks giving! Happy weekend!! :)

Nothing much!

So the weekend is here again! Life has been pretty ordinary! We are finally into the last week of Ramazan and will soon be celebrating Eid!

Now Eid is a festivle we celebrate once are 30 day fasting is over! Eid is a festivle as gift of God for all those Muslims who fast and spent their Ramazan month is praying to God. So anyways as Eid is a major muslim festivle, we prepare for it in full swing! We buy new clothes, decorate our homes and meet each other! Fabuluos feasts are enjoyed and everything is totally fun! But the best part of Eid is that the adults give the younger ones money, it is a religious practice. The money given is known as Eidi and the kids looove it! :) There is no specific age for Eidi, it is given to people younger than you! My grandpa gives my mom and dad eidi, my dad gives it to me and it goes on! And 'cos of all these reason I LOOOOVE EID!

So tonight I'll be going for Eid shopping with my cousin, uncle and aunt! It is our annual eid shopping trip! Every year all of us go for Eid shopping and have hell of fun! This year my camera will be tagging along too and I'll put all the pictures on my blog! :) So this is how our trip goes, first we go to a really good local resteraunt well-known for its rolls! Then we go to the mall and shop around! Over all it's really fun!

I am sooo looking forward to my shopping trip!

My high school is going pretty fine, nothing new! I am sooo behind my homework that now I give up! What is the use of doing it anyways?? I made friends with another guiy in my class who is a total nerdy! So let's just call him Mr. Nerdy Pants! He is a really nice simple guy, helps around a lot and stands those really stupid jokes that Ayesha and crack every now and then!

The rest is fine, I hope you people have a fabulous weekend! :)

Another blog award! Maybe I am as good as they say I am!

6 September 2009

So my blogger friend Mel, just gave me another blogger award! WOW! When I first started blogging I never knew I was ever gonna get 4 awards within three months...Its simply amazimg and for that I would like to thank all those who stop by my blog and take time to read my overly-thought musings!!

Now this award is called the splash award and is given to blogs which are succesful in alluring, amusing, bewitching, impressive, and inspiring the readers! I never thought that all these wonderful adjectives would ever be used for my blog all at once but my friend Mel has made that possible! I am sooo glad that I found her!

So the rules for this award are pretty simple, all we have to do is:

-Put the logo on your blog/post.

-Nominate up to 9 blogs which allure, amuse, bewitch, impress or inspire you.

-Let them know that they have been splashed by commenting on their blog.

-Remember to link to the person from whom you received your Splash Award.

So I would like to splash:

-Belle from UK

-Tania at larger family life

-Clare at The lilac grove

-Nadia at Bakefresh

-Mama Mel at Mama Mel loves

-Jannete at Jannete's projects!

-Summer at le Musings of moi

-Mary at the Design Gal

-Shelly at That girl blogs

Apart from this I had one of the best Saturdays ever yesterday!! It could not have been better! Ayesha and Farwa were over at my place for a combined study session, but studying was not the only thing we did, if that isn't already obvious considering that there was three of us, we are 16 and we go to a high school full of drama! Soo we talked like heel! Discussed each and everything that was bothering us! From the stuoid Mr.T in our class to the girls in my class and (Duh) the very popular 'gothic inside' guy! Farwa believes that he isn't gothic or anything he just wants to 'be different from the norm'! And to prove that he goes an extra mile! Other than that he is like all the other stupid mindless guys in our class! He runs after popularity and really likes girls going all around him like bees over honey! HUH, why didn't I think of that? But Farwa does agree with this with Ayesha and me: 'The guy is messed up in the head'!

We also discussed why the heck Mr.T behaved like that with me (read older post). Conclusion: 'Mr.T doesn't like the fact that we; Ayesha, Farwa and me talk to lot of guys in the class except for him! Which means he is kinda desperate to talk to us! But sorry to say Mr.T none of us likes you!

We also checked out pictures of some of the guys in our class and laughed on them like hell! Now I know this is a bad thing to do, but we can have a little fun can't we? I am glad that people from my grade don't know about my blog or I would be dead right now!

I have to go..help out mom with the food for the guests! Toodles!

Gothism..Emoism...Disturbia!

1 September 2009

So I was talking to this person that day at school and we were discussing really random things when 'the person' mentioned that he was fascinated by blood! I mean from which world is he from, who is fascinated by blood!
And then he started making gestures of tasting blood and everything! From the inside I was totally freaking out 'cos who likes blood man! Blood, flesh ...eeewww! Later that day I checked out his blog and oooh boy, what did I discover? 'The person' is totally gothic inside! How did I come to that decision, let's see:

1. He is into literature that involves blood.

2. His blog was all black.

3. His posts were super wierd...SUPER WIERD! Ones which involved blood and fire and flesh and and.....

4. He thinks blood is sweet.. *totally freaking out inside*

5. He is totally into punk, soft rock music

And that is it! I didn't even have the gut to check out more than 5 of his posts and I was out! I mean all this darkness sooo totally agitates me! I mean why would anyone choose to live this way? To get into such wierd thoughts and ideas! If we already have been given a really nice distangled lovelyt life, why penetrate to the darker side!

I have always hated night time, though it is not like I m scared of the dark! I am just scared of the darker side, which turns people into freaks! Makes them think about demise and blood and flesh and and...

I would conclude by writing that all this Gothic, emo, disturbia stuff; why does it exist?? Why do people like this! I believe this implies disturbed state of mind or maybe the search of something different, something new, something that puts them apart from all the others!

Whatever it is..For me it is a total-messed-up-in-the-head state!

Just look at this!!! DIS-TUR-BING! And yeah people this was the most sane picture I found when I searched for Gothic pictures!! Others... I feel like puking!!!

Where is that balance??

So this is the second time I am writing this post 'cos the first time I wrote it, it some how disappeared and I am feeling so darn angry that I can scream and cry and wail and.....UGGHHH!!

Before I start my babble, I would like to post in my third Blog award. Thanks a lot Belle for considering me! The rules are simple; just pass it on to people who you think deserve it.

So here it goes my 3rd blog award! SWANKY!!!

I would like to pass it on to:

-Melroxx: She is such a sweetheart and her blog is a must visit!

-The writer's block: A really nice mom blogger, who actually cares!

-Ayak: Lovely blog!

Now my yarn officially begins! ( I talk a lot, in this case write a lot!)

I am sitting besides a huge window in my mom's room and the cool wind is calmly touching my skin! It is 6 in the evening and it is totally dark, when usually the sun is out bright! Yeah, it is one of those days when rain decides to delight us with it's beautiful presence, hiding the malicious sun away!

Although the weather today in Karachi is absolutely lovely, things between me and the techno world just aren't working! My laptop is dead, my mom's computer totally sucks amd my brothers....that is a totally different story!

For the last few days I have been cutting down on my internet time 'cos of my pesky little brothers. I don't understand how can anybody be so quaintessental at ruining stuff for me! They won't let me use their computer and even if they do, they'll hang around me reading every single thing I wirte on Facebook!!! And I abhore that! If I get a chance to get on my mom's computer, they'll come up with some really inportant work they need to do, which would involve me not using the computer! What is with them??

Anyways, I went to my cousin's place yesterday as she had invited me on a Iftar party! All her high school friends were also there. If you ask me how did it go, I'll have to say....umm..that would require a little description!

If there is one thing I sorely hate in this world it is girls who have boys-centered lives. Their lives revolve around guys; talking about them, flirting with them, crushing on them and what not! I mean how can anyone be fine with living that way??

What about other interests? What about education and intellect? I mean everybody has got to have other important things in life like books or music or literature or art! Guys are not everything! It is not like I am saying that one should not be into guy talk at all.. no that is not my point, my point is that one cannot just waste their teenage life 'cos of guys!

I believe that the modern times require people who can handle a lot of things at once! They are intellectual yet they are perky! They have an idea and insight about the crisises that the world is facing yet they have a equal insight about the latest celebrity gossip and movies! Why can't it be like that? Where is that balance?

People whose lives go around just one thing, they totally suffocate me! Why not have a life that goes around everything? Today the worls is in need of such people more than ever! But unfortunatly today we lack such people the most!

Although all those girls, who kept talking about guys and texting them on phone, disgusted me a little; I am glad that I attended the party and I met all of them. After meeting all of them when I prayed to Allah, I expressed my gratitude to Him. I was thankful to Him for making me understand the value of more important thing is life, for making me a truly principal-centered person, for making me an All-Pakistani girl in its true essence!

The 'guy' talk!!!

25 August 2009

Okay so I have been talking about a lot of stuff; food, culture, junior year but hello what's the big whoop?? What about the 'guy' talk!?! Being a teenager is a lot about that isn't it???

So when it comes to guys, I am really choosy!! I just don't like any guy!! I have specifications!! But let me just make it clear that here in Pakistan, girls are not allowed to go out. Our ethical codes don't allow us to do that, we can be friends and everything but we don't go out with guys, as in dating and stuff!!

But that doesn't mean that this Pakistani girl can't like anyone, does it? So let's just jump back to the main thing again! Whenever my cousin and I have a girl talk about guys, whe gets sooo agied 'cos I am sooo chotatosy and don't seem to like anyone!!!!

Well, this goes out to her! Here are the qualities that a guy should possess, if he wants to make my likey list!

1. He should look super hot and manly in shalwar kamiz, the national dress of Pakistan.

(This is a fancy shalwar kamiz, worn in weddings! It is known as Sherwani. Sorry couldn't find a better picture)

2. He should have really superb English accent, and must have good writing skill! Explanation: In Pakistan, English is a second language so here not everybody is good at English. But I expect 'the guy' to be really good at it. I know I am good (no showing-off intended) and he should be too.

3. He should be above average in studies, and must be ambitous.

4. He should not be over expressive, over romantic or melodramatic! I hate guys who just keep expressing their feelings, and say lines from movies 'cos they think it's hot! They should be expressive but in a very cute indirect way!! (now you get why my cousin gets agitated!)

5. He should totally respect girls!! Respect is a major thing, no compromise on that!

6. He should have a really fantastic sense of style! He should look good in everything that he wears! A fantastic taste in clothes is really important!

7. He should not smoke, drink or do drugs at all!

8. He should be into books, music and art! (Okay so art is not important, I just wrote it 'cos it goes with the flow...books, music and art!!!)

9. He should be really good in sports and if that sport is tennis, basketball or football, then I'll be all gaga!!

10. He should be as much of a patriot as I am and should have a good vision about politics and current affairs!

11. He should have a really nice and clean sense of humour; with no knack for obscene humour.

12. He should be no where near Edward!! Edward Cullen suffocates me!! How can someone have absolutely nothing in there life except for their love!! Makes me sick! 'The guy' should have a life of his own; his own interests, likes and dislikes! I WANT SOME ONE REAL (I am really practical)

13. I don't want him to be super handsome or super cute, like someone in movies! But he should be likably cute! Cuteness does count! :P

For now these are the things which make me attracted towards guys! With time they might change or more might be added to the list!

Please do share your specifications, if you are choosy or not!

P.S: My junior year is on the right track now, I have sooo much homework to do and here I am wasting my time blogging! But then again, I believe if something makes you happy, it can never be a time waster!

AWWW!! I love Ramzan!!! (Scroll down for an awesome video!!)

Okay so I have mentioned Ramazan in my earlier posts as well!! But those of you who still aren't fimiliar with the concept here is what it is!!

In the holy month of Ramazan muslims fast from dawn to dusk, they pray to God and spent the month doing things that please God!

If you're still not familiar with Muslim tradition of fasting, lemme explain. We get up before dawn and eat a little before the morning prayer, this time is known as Sehri time and food for this purpose is Sehri (just like breakfast).From then onwards we don't eat or drink anything and stay hungry until the dusk! Once the dusk prayers are called out we break our fasts. This time of the day when we break our fasts is known as Iftar time and the food prepared for this purpose is called Iftar (click here to see how it looks like). Our religion gives us this concept, so that we learn patience and we experience what the poor and hungry experience everyday. In the Muslim calender, the month is called Ramazan when we fast for 30 days and then once Ramadan is over we celebrate Eid, a festival for those who have fasted and prayed to Allah.

Now Ramadan is like a culture; and in every different part of the world it is celebrated in a seperate manner!! Here in Pakistan, arrival of Ramazan is pretty tangible!! The Mosques (the place where we worship) are all lighted up! Bakeries are filled with Ramazan food!!! The T.V blares out commercials, which are all related to Ramazan!! And it is all really nice!!! I love Ramazans!!! :)

I am soo busy these days, I hardly get time to blog! After Sehri I get ready for college and when I come back from college, I am sooo darn tired; I go to sleep!! I get up, help my mom in preparing Iftar, and by the time I am over with all this, it's nine and I have to do my home work!!! So right now I am missing out on my Iftar to write all this, I didn't get much time to eat either!! :(

Well here is a commercial of a local milk brand, which shows the Ramazan culture at its best! It's on the TV all the time!! Well here goes, a video is better than a thousan pictures and a billion words!!!