Where do I stand??

I have been pretty busy lately preparing for my Mid-terms.  I am trying to put most of my time in studies. Pretty unsuccessful though, I don't think I am still putting in 100%. It is not even 50%, dang! The thing is I am addicted to my blog and all those who leave their comments on my posts. Yesterday while practicing trigonometry, a thought about Amy randomly made it's way in my mind and then I started thinking about Mel and Galikae and Ayak. I wondered what was happening around in their lives. Therefore I promised that I'll update my blog tomorrow and visit everyone else's. So here I am.

Now let's begin with what has been up in my life. Well to begin with, I am starting to lose faith in myself. I am clinging hard to that little string that says: 'It's alright!'. I want to do so much. But my determination doesn't seem to have the magnetic quality of attracting opportunities. The right opportunity doesn't fall in my lap at the right time. I did the debate, I screwed up! I didn't get the editor thing for the school magazine. I got into the English literary society, but nothing ever happens over there. I have lost faith in my writing skills, my public speaking skills. I don't even think, I write that good, anymore. There are so many talented people around me, they use such big words. I never get a big word when I want to. My writings are so stupid and simple. My debate sucked, I know. That is why I lost. I don't even know what people think of me!! :(

I want to do so much. I want to change the world someday, I aspire to do a lot. I have big aims for tomorrow. But I am soo weak at heart. I lose hope quickly, I have faced many failures in life and no wonder they have made me strong. I wait restlessly for my moment, which I call as my moment. I know I suck at writing, I am not even talented or creative!!! Where do I stand?? Which quality do I possess? I seriously have no clue!! 

So I cling to my faith in God and hope that He'll help me retrieve my faith in myself. I shed a tear or two sometimes, but I pray that things will get better. And I try my best to believe that they will, 'cos after all I have faith in God. And that helps. 

I am finally down to my 50th-post. I have a surprise for my blog readers. I am busy these days and don't get time to return comments. I just want to tell y'all that you are the nicest blog readers ever and your comments; they always help! Love ya.   

Here is a hit new Pakistani song I am addicted to..enjoy! IT IS H.O.T!! :P

 

Away from school, less complications!

So I am enjoying my weekend, doing absolutely nothing. Although I have to study A LOT! My midterms are approaching but I am doing absolutely nothing. I just facebook, all day long! I blog and I chat with my friends. I have tried opening books but I shut them every time I open them up. Then I return back to my laptop. That is all that I do these days!

By the way, I feel important to mention over here that I have been a little naughty over the weekend and I have been stalking people on facebook, and when I say people, I mean 'this girl' and 'a guy'. Now I think that 'this girl' has a major crush on 'a guy' and she LOOVES his attention! Absolutely! She puts on statuses for him and she puts on bumper stickers for him. 'This girl' is a friend of mine and I have noticed some change in her attitude. She would NEVER agree that she is crushing on him, but I have talked about this to a lot of people. And everyone drew out the same conclusion: 'this girl' likes 'a guy'. Now 'this girl' and 'a guy' are always chatting on statuses through comments and everything. It seems really stupid, how hard 'this girl' has fallen for 'a guy'!! I just know she has fallen for him.

Now I really don't know if 'a guy' has fallen for this girl or not. 'Cos as far as I know 'a guy' likes someone else and only takes 'this girl' as a friend. I don't know how accurate my presumption is but 'this girl' certainly likes 'a guy'! No doubts about that!! Na-un!

So anyway, I have been stalking both of them since yesterday, visiting their wall and reading through their conversations and analyzing them. I relate 'this girls' bumper stickers and other such stuff to 'a guy' and everything seems soo obvious! I feel like screaming DUH at the top of my lungs.

Yesterday, I showed all the conservations and stuff that they had on facebook to my cousin. I was acting out all the lines that were written as 'this girl' and 'a guy'. We laughed our head off! GOSH, that was funny! :P

Life is more fun, when the cursed name of 'high school' doesn't interfere the sweet lyrics of my life. I have awful fun at home, doing nothing. Anyway, life puts forth challenges and you have to skid through those. I try my level best to skid through my challenges, with God's help. I hope God gives everyone the courage to move on with life.

Anyway, I'll be reaching a 50th post pretty soon and I am thinking of doing something special! I'll let it be a surprise! :) Happy Sunday people! :)

P.S: Please join the Hair, Nails, Blogs community! It is on my sidebar! :)

Crying day!

So I broke, unintentionally into tears today at the lunch time in front of my friends and probably a lot of other people around. I just couldn't help it, two bad days in a row were just too much for me to handle!

Yesterday, I lost the debate. Today, I lost the post for the support co-editor of the school magazine. And there is this teacher's pet girl who got that. Just because she has been to America while I am just a local. My teacher wouldn't want me!!

So when I heard about this, I was soo flabbergasted that I started crying, hot burning tears started rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't stop crying. My friends went all wary, they started consolidating and stuff. It is nice to have a good bunch of people around you, who try to make you feel better even when it is next to impossible!

So, then in a crybaby voice, I told the 'Gothic inside' guy everything that had happened, and he cheered me up in a really nice way. nice guy he is! :)

The real reason, I was really disappointed was that in my old school a friend of mine and I, were selected as the editors. I did all the work while my friend chilled out. And when the magazine came out, her name was there as the editor all-the-same! She was given equal credit!

Anyway, her friend showed the magazine to a teacher and the teacher got her selected for the post of second post. The first one was taken by the teacher's pet girl. This boiled me up to the brim... I was all like, a girl can get the post in regard of the work she never did and I couldn't get it for my own freakin' hard work!

So this made me cry and I cried my heart out when I came back home and my mom was worried sick. She hates when I cry..I hate that too!! But I couldn't help it.

A girl of my class read my blog and now I'm kinda cautious!! I did make her promise that she won't read it again, I hope she sticks to that, or I'll have to shut my baby bloggy down. Enough for today.

Toodles! :)

I LOST! :(

I lost the debate! And I felt really bad. I went there on the stage, I was pretty close to forgetting my lines at some point, I skipped one whole most important paragraph of my debate and the asshole from my class kept laughing, distracting me! But you know what?? Sitting here in my room, 8:00 at night, I say, I don't freakin' care. So what, that I lost, at least I tried. Why should I even care that I messed up or that asshole was laughing at me! That asshole has nothing better to do, 'cos if he would have he won't be wasting his time laughing at me!

So no wonder I was really disappointed initially when I heard that I had lost. I have been debating for four years in a row and i have never won anything. Maybe I should get used to losing now. Maybe debate ain't my thing. I just do it! So my contorted itself into a crybaby form, and I seemed pretty sad! But bless those really really really nice friends that I have that made everything bearable. I thank whole heartedly, the nicest high school friends one could ask for: 'Gothic inside' guy, Mr. Arsi and his twin sista Ms. Amsi!

So the 'Gothic inside' guy kept trying to cheer me up, like a friend, a good friend. I am happy that no stupid relationship junk interferes. Sometimes it is nice to have it 'just friends' way! :)

So anyways, tomorrow the lunch is on me and 'Gothic inside' guy, for two reasons. He got his prefect post back (which was taken from him) and I represented my whole class in the speech! So we will be giving everyone a 'treat', that is what we call it here! :)

Anyways, I am glad that I am over my disappointment, thanks to a lot of people. My cousin came over after such a long time and we had crazy time together. Tomorrow is Friday, I am happy that the week is coming to an end! I do need a break from high school crapology, as MelRoxx puts it!

I leave you with this song, which has been my favorite since 8th garde. I love the music video! Just tooo cute. So here goes, Lionell Richie -I call it love!

The debate is tomorrow, fingers crossed!

Okay, so I should be practicing right now. I have a debate competition tomorrow and I am so hoping that I win. I have practiced and people say that I am doing good but all that matters is that impression I put the judges under. I hope I do good! :) -fingers crossed-

So high school, has been pretty complicated and pain-in-the-butt kind these days. There is this guy in my class, who has a a humongous crush on one of my good friends, and he thinks that I am the one stopping her from getting into a relationship with him! And he LOATHES me for that!! That guy is one of those assholes I have written about in my previous posts as well! I mean, what gives him the idea that I would ever butt into someone else's life and stop them from getting into a relationship. I mind my own business and my friend doesn't even like him back. And now that guy is totally after me. He looks at me as he is out to get me, to chew me alive!! My friend hates him as well, but he is under such a stupid random expression that she likes her... GOSH!

So anyway, I had a really nice girl-to-girl talk with a van-mate of mine today. She is such a nice person and awfully cute. A lot of guys in college would like to go out with her, 'cos a lot of guys like her! She is really pretty and cute, it felt nice talking to her!

The 'Gothic inside' guy, seems like a real ladys' man. Girls in my van, they like hanging around with him a lot. He seems pretty popular amongst them! I kinda like him too you know, he is a really nice guy. 'Gothic inside'; no wonder!! :P

I also interviewed for the post of support co-editor for the school magazine. I hope I make it! My interview went pretty well. I have loads to catch up on in my studies. I missed the Mathematics class and the Physics class to practice for debate today. I still have to study for my mid-terms! Gosh, I think I should stop writing now, I soo need to practice! I hope I win! :)

I had fun!! -all laughs-

I had a really nice time at school today. I laughed like hell and it was just really fun. I felt pretty light, like I didn't even give a crap about any of those assholes anymore. I just felt like this: ~~I am what I am, I can't help myself and if you don't like it get with somebody else~~ (as sung by the Jonas Brothers)! I seriously gotta hand it to those who leave such nice comments. No wonder for them they are just words but for me they are like lubricants which help me slip through the roughest of situations. Love you guys!!

Wondering what made my day all fun-ey today? Well to begin with I hung out with some of the nicer people in my grade today in the lunch time and they made me laugh till I had tears in my eyes!! I went totally crazy, laughing and jumping and throwing stuff at each other! Gosh it was sooo much fun and to top it all the 'Gothic inside' guy was pretending to be a gay and it was AWFULLY funny! I seriously laughed till I cried, though it was a bit unethical :/. But sometimes, it is nice to have a laugh for the sake of it. My day was LOL!

Anyway, my laptop got fixed and now I can blog with ease. I am thinking of designing an award just for lovely commenters!! ;) Hope you all have a nice week! :)