I have been pretty busy lately preparing for my Mid-terms. I am trying to put most of my time in studies. Pretty unsuccessful though, I don't think I am still putting in 100%. It is not even 50%, dang! The thing is I am addicted to my blog and all those who leave their comments on my posts. Yesterday while practicing trigonometry, a thought about Amy randomly made it's way in my mind and then I started thinking about Mel and Galikae and Ayak. I wondered what was happening around in their lives. Therefore I promised that I'll update my blog tomorrow and visit everyone else's. So here I am.
Now let's begin with what has been up in my life. Well to begin with, I am starting to lose faith in myself. I am clinging hard to that little string that says: 'It's alright!'. I want to do so much. But my determination doesn't seem to have the magnetic quality of attracting opportunities. The right opportunity doesn't fall in my lap at the right time. I did the debate, I screwed up! I didn't get the editor thing for the school magazine. I got into the English literary society, but nothing ever happens over there. I have lost faith in my writing skills, my public speaking skills. I don't even think, I write that good, anymore. There are so many talented people around me, they use such big words. I never get a big word when I want to. My writings are so stupid and simple. My debate sucked, I know. That is why I lost. I don't even know what people think of me!! :(
I want to do so much. I want to change the world someday, I aspire to do a lot. I have big aims for tomorrow. But I am soo weak at heart. I lose hope quickly, I have faced many failures in life and no wonder they have made me strong. I wait restlessly for my moment, which I call as my moment. I know I suck at writing, I am not even talented or creative!!! Where do I stand?? Which quality do I possess? I seriously have no clue!!
So I cling to my faith in God and hope that He'll help me retrieve my faith in myself. I shed a tear or two sometimes, but I pray that things will get better. And I try my best to believe that they will, 'cos after all I have faith in God. And that helps.
I am finally down to my 50th-post. I have a surprise for my blog readers. I am busy these days and don't get time to return comments. I just want to tell y'all that you are the nicest blog readers ever and your comments; they always help! Love ya.
Here is a hit new Pakistani song I am addicted to..enjoy! IT IS H.O.T!! :P
My dear Kaibee...don't be so hard on yourself. You are an exceptionally bright girl and you write very well indeed. Sometimes in life we just can't find the energy to do all that we want to, and sometimes we expect too much of ourselves. Just take it easy...lower your expectations a little and just take life as it comes day by day...you will I am sure achieve all that you want to in time...you have your whole life ahead of you...plenty of time.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
Ayak xx
Self pity however tempting needs to be cleared off. Mere confessions can never pillage enough to form a mountainous belief.
ReplyDeleteI think you can stop worrying about being a good writer. Your post proves that you can write and translate your feelings and emotions into words that people understand and grasp. Let me see, you're in school studying, going to classes, labs and libraries. I don't think you have time at this point to save the world. As far as the positions you wanted, if there's a next time, try again! Good song by the way!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you care so much about being a success in life will take you far. You are a good writer and the more you work at it, the better you will be. The same applies to your public speaking. My daughter (15 years) has many of the same fears that you do. The other night at dinner, her brother was telling her about the first speech contest he participated in. He came in dead last in the competition. But he kept practicing, and the second time he competed, he came in 4th. His advice to her (and mine to you) is that some of our fears are of the unknown. The more experience you have, the easier it will be.
ReplyDeleteBe proud of yourself for taking risks and trying new things. Many people never take chances and they miss out on so much. I predict that you will have much success in your life!
Thanks everyone!
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