I just can't help writing here!

A few days back my cousin asked me if I had quit blogging and I was like, well, I just don't get the time to post here. I have so many things going on. But in my heart I was kinda sure that I would never be writing here again. This blog seems so immature now. My previous posts about stupid things I once cared about. And things I used to make a big deal out of. I was so sure I would never update this ever again.

But I guess I was wrong.

I had nothing to do, so I decided maybe I will read through some posts I wrote here and enjoy that feeling of nostalgia. And here I am, writing another post. It's always so hard for me to let go of things. I just can't let go of things. In fact, it's not just things I can't let go off; I can't let go of people either. Even if they have been awfully rude or mean, a single apology from them would make me want to be with them. So yeah, I am like that. What can I do! :)

And my blog traffic might be very close to a BIG ZERO right now. But I guess that's okay, I am writing this one cos I really feel like it. I am writing this for the future me. So that when I randomly decide to revisit my past 10 years down the road (InshAllah) it's all right here! :)

Anyway, starting from where I left last time. I was waiting for my acceptance, scared of not getting it. Well, I got it. MashAllah! :) I got into the program of my choice and not only that I also got into an Honours program in the university. MashAllah, I am so happy. Other than that, I kinda bombed my finals as well MashAllah and am entering the university with an 84.6% average. Not too shabby, I guess.. Not too shabby! :D

It's hard to believe things are working out that well MashAllah. I guess, it's hard to measure my gratitude towards Allah. He brought me to places I never dreamt of being in. He has been kind to me and I guess, my gratitude can never measure up to His blessings.

Anyway, I guess, I don't have much to write. So Imma stop! :) If you are reading this, I am glad you gave my blog a visit. :)

Best wishes everyone! :)

I am broken but I have not given up yet!

So I was reading the comments on my last post and was astonished at myself. How can I manage to stay away from my blog for so long? It's been ages. My dear friend Ayak thought I had stopped blogging, for which I certainly don't blame her because I have been completely absent from this wonderful world of blogs. :) Daisy, was kind enough to leave the URL of her new blog on the comments, thanks for that Daisy. It's kind of a co-incidence you know because just today I was thinking about you while working on my creative writing assignment.

Uhhhh... I really don't know where to start from. It's been so long. SO long. Even I have forgotten how many times I have fallen down and gathered myself to stand back up again. Everything these days has been a stress. Everything! :( My final exam result turned out to be a MAJOR disappointment. I got a 77% in Math although my class mark was a 88%, I got a 73% in English. I just don't know where I keep going wrong. I don't know! I worked hard, yes I did! For everything, I was working for a scholarship that would finance my education but how can I get a 90% average if I keep going wrong? I am trying so hard to accept the failures I keep meeting. I am trying, I am trying like anything in this world but everything seems stagnant. Like nothing is moving. Like nothing is working out. And then I just end up crying myself to sleep or feeling lost and hopeless.

The university wouldn't accept me because I don;t have three years of Canadian education. They require me to give some friggin' expensive long English tests even though my English Language is like all the other High School students in my school. I applied back in November and I haven't gotten accepted yet even though my average is good and I am doing good overall but the stupid English requirement! :''''( Maybe if I would have gotten a 75% on my English Final things would have worked out better but I didn't because I am a dumb ass. It's just taking me so long to accept it. I feel so hopeless and lost and alone. I don't have my friends here, I don't have my cousins here. I have my mom who is very supportive and I couldn't ask for more but I have always been surrounded by so many people that it's insanely difficult to go through everything alone. So on the top of everything I miss my family and friends so much that it's painful.

I am working my ass off to get enough money for my visit to Pakistan next year. I try hard to save up everything I earn, I don;t get myself clothes much just occasionally, because I want to visit more than anything. I miss everything so much. And sometimes I have awful days and I have nothing I can do about it, but I talk myself through it and tell myself I am doing this to get educated and go back and serve Pakistan. And most of the days I am very strong and optimistic and accepting but then there are days like this, when I let go and I cry and I try consoling myself. I am learning to live on my own. I am learning to support myself. I have always have my parents and my brothers, I can't compromise on them but there are other tiny spaces around my that are empty and I am filling them as I grow. I swear I am trying my best. And I guess, I will keep trying, even if it means accepting my failure to the point that I am content with being a failure. I will keep trying.

I am broken but I have not given up yet.

P.S Sorry for such a whiny post, the comeback was supposed to be stronger, but I really needed to write this down. Thanks for reading my blog :) I know, I am ungrateful and whiny but hopefully I won't be like this in the future. :)

Beyond imagination....

Two years back, I was just your lively, cheerful, full-of-life average teenager studying in a bourgeoisie all-girls' school, planning my future in Pakistan and cursing the hell of high school injustices. Absorbed in the heart-felt school friendships, giggling for hours at stupid jokes, trying to prove chivalry and guts among my classmates and indirectly being boastful of my grades.

Two years back, boys seemed like other-worldly species. Except for the presence of my brothers and dad, I grew wary of every other male presence that lingered by. Little crushes yoked to the possibilities of marriage and everything seemed as if meant to be. There were innocent feuds and I used to cry for my friends and get jealous. :)

Two years back, acing 10th grade was a major part of my life, career and university seemed distant, like those hills I gazed at the night before I left Pakistan. Hills which glistened with sparkles of light, hills which seemed way further than they actually were.

Two years back, when we talked about perverted topics, in fact, even relationships in hissed voices. Our jaws dropped to the floor just thinking of being in a relationship, abandoning the ethical codes of religion and society.

Two years back, I was the girl known as the plucky tomboy of the class. Straight forward and clear. The girl who came from a respectable family background and had a classy sense of style. The girl, who was liked and hated by a lot of people. The girl who watched wrestling and sweet romantic movies (secretly). The girl who left an impact on almost everyone she met and who let people leave an impact on her unconditionally!

Two years back, even my wildest dream couldn't have been as imaginative as to predict the possibility of being a thousand miles away from Pakistan in the next two years.

One year back the immigration letter made it's entrance into our lives.

A year back, I started in a co-ed school. When I was just too careful and awkward with guys, I thought they were my enemies! And then when I made good friends with the guys and girls, I moved in a group of 13 people. Loved by everyone. Did well in school yet felt underestimated all the time. Felt depressed.

A year back I found the most wonderful friend in a person who had been with me (unnoticed) for 12 years. She was so sweet and innocent sometimes I felt bitter compared to her. Her feelings so delicate and sensitive made me realized the decency she embraced. We talked like we have done a lot of wrong things and that we were a mess. A year back I never realized I would miss her that much.

A year back, I started acknowledging my surrounding like never before. I observed people caught up in the interplay of lust and youth, always trying to prove something with their braggadocio. Talking about all those western things like they were an obvious part of their lives. I observed people, trying to follow the western patterns of society defying our social norms and virtues.

A year back, I cursed myself whenever I had an unintended physical contact with a guy because it was against my culture and religion. I avoided perverted group conversations, 'cos I thought they adulterated the healthy friendships. I stopped myself from getting in to a relationship or breaking the norms of my society. And although, I slipped at some points I got back up, with stronger self-control and confidence.

A year back, I had seriously started considering the point that Pakistan might not be a witness to my entire life after all and Calgary might take Pakistan's place for a while. I started doing things, thinking it might be for the last time. My feelings were a mixture of a desperation and elation; the joy of a new experience and the grief of leaving everything behind.

A year back, I listened to Jonas brothers and Miley Cyrus and got disturbed even at the idea of smoking weed, or drinking. A year back, even after knowing everything, I was far away from the real world; living in the cocoon under my parent's protective wings not ready to face the world.

A year back, I learned how to get over stuff. I learned how to move on with life and I learned the importance of my friends in my life.

Today, I am a part of a liberal North American high school. Every day I come across many people with all sorts of faiths and cultures and I stand head-high proud of my own. I observe different cultures and it makes me love my culture even more. I understand how each culture in the world has it's roots and values and how absurd it is to follow a culture that contradicts your own.

Today, I talk to guys with extreme self-control. I am determined not to be a part of a relationship that would eventually end up in a break up. I am determined to maintain a zero physical contact policy till I get married. Boyfriends, relationships or sex doesn't fascinate me like it does a lot of people. My culture doesn't allow this and neither should I wallow in it.

Today, I strongly believe that Allah wants us to explore the world because he doesn't want our views to be primitive. Living in Calgary has made me closer to God, it has enlightened me about things I wouldn't have known had I lived in Pakistan forever!

Today, I feel independent, ready to face the world. I am out of my cocoon. I make my own decisions and I chose my own paths and I know my parents are there trusting me and guiding me through my life. I believe in myself and God. And I don't give a damn about people who have problems with me 'cos I have faith in God!

Today I listen to Nickelback, One republic, Lifehouse and John Mayer because their music and lyrics makes more sense to me than Jonas or Cyrus ever could. I think over issues deeply and avoid mistakes.

Today, while on my way to the mall, with my two new friends I realized, how drastically three years have changed me, in to a more sensible, more mature adult. How Allah has been generous to me keeping me away from major sins.

Today, I have no regrets, nothing I want to change in my past, nothing I have to change and nothing I have to redeem. I am an individual who made, through Allah's help, all the right decisions, who didn't hurt anyone, who respects and values all of Allah's creations in this world. I respect people's religions, their cultures and their traditions. There is a reason why Allah created so many different people in this world.

Today, I write this blog post to record this wonderful moment of enlightenment and gratitude, that life is such a wonderful gift and God has written our faiths with such adeptness that we can hardly cry for a misfortune. I don't know what Allah has planned for me, but I am sure they are big plans! :) And oh God, I trust you with my life so much! :)

I guess this was a sentimental post!

Tata! :)

The All-Pakistani girl in Calgary! :)

Okay so last time when I wrote I was an emotional wreak. I didn't want to leave Pakistan at all, I didn't wanna leave the people but I HAD to...

And then I landed in Calgary

And I really liked it here! A LOT. I found it welcoming and really quiet and peaceful. The only thing that sucks about here is that I don't have MY people around me. My friends, my cousins, my family! The people I love the most. But the city, it's beautiful. Very lovable! :)

Okay so last post was too short and it didn't specify anything. Am I still the all Pakistani girl you guys used to read so much about? Well, yes I am. Why not? Just that now I am the Pakistani girl in Calgary. that's what my blog is going to be about here. My experiences as a Pakistani girl in Calgary. I am thankful to all my readers for liking my blog so much and sticking to it and helping me! I really love you guys.

So from now on, you'll be reading about my adventures in Calgary. I hope they'll be as interesting as the ones I had back in Pakistan. Of course it wouldn't be exactly like Pakistan, Pakistan is my love! :) But they won't be that boring, I promise. My Pakistani ways are alien here! But it's okay. The people here are nice! :)

Well, I start school from next week and I move into my new house this Saturday. Fingers crossed for my new life here! :)

Tata! :)

Busy me!

I am so busy these days. My family is moving and there is so much to do. I spend the day packing and planning how to wind stuff up while in the evening I am visiting people at Iftars (Fast breaking) saying my final goodbyes.

That is how my days are passing by. The fight I blogged about in my previous post between with my brothers, is now solved and things are back to normal. As expected, none of them apologized! I just softened up.

I have been eating so much lately, due to the extensive Iftar parties that I seriously think I am getting kinda chubby. But it's just a matter of two weeks after that we'll be out of Karachi and therefore no more farewell parties. This is the thought that doesn't stop me from gulping down huge amounts of food at the parties. Haha! I really like eating. (I am not fat though!)

I still have to buy gifts for my friends. Loads of them. Right after I post this I am writing the names of people I need to buy gifts for, in my planner. Talking of that I don't remember if I have ever mentioned this on my blog before but I am a real planner/organizer freak! I just have to write every single thing down. Every single thing! I plan weeks and years and days. Sometimes minute by minute. Though most of the times I don't go exactly by the planner it does really help in sorting stuff out.

I don't know what else to write! I seriously have nothing else going on in life except for what I have written above. Well, as I really feel like writing more I'll think of stuff to write...Ummm.... Well, I would certainly like to draw your attention towards the flood in Pakistan once again and would also like to appeal for a donation for the victims. You can read more about the flood here.

And finally I would like to mention once again how grateful I am to all those who comment on my blog! :) It's a real pleasure to read what the readers have to say! :) And my readers, themselves have the most interesting blogs ever. Seriously I love reading them!

Well, this was an ordinary post!

Till next time,

Tata! :)

P.S: One of my brother is like so rapt in figuring out the my dad's Samsonite brief case code. Funny! :P

The devastating flood :(

I always hate switching on to news channels 'cos I hate listening to bad news. But running away from things doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that my fellow country men lost or evacuated their houses due to the flood. It doesn't change the fact that the flood swept away 140 lives with it. It doesn't change the fact that every night millions of children sleep with an empty stomach, with extinguished hopes.

The flood

The worst flood in the last 80 years

Three million people affected

140 people died

Allah has been generous enough to keep us safe from this tragedy but a lot of others have been tested and they had to leave their houses to move to places that were not affected by the flood. The Pakistani government, as always, disappointed the citizens once again by coping with the situation slowly rather than being brisk with their actions. And although our forces are trying their best to rehabilitate the citizens, it's still not enough, 'cos when you're talking about 3 million people even the best efforts are less.

And then again a lot of people question that is this the best Pakistan can do?

Everyday, I feel guilty that I live such a life when my fellow countrymen starve. I sleep in my comfy bed when the houses of my fellow countrymen were flooded by rain water. I want to go to those places. I wanna work there. I want to see people smile. But I know that can't happen.

This blog post is a little effort to lighten that stain of guilt on my heart. Pakistanis all around are donating for the victims of the flood. You can donate too: Here are some links

Hadiya

Islamic Relief USA

You can Google donating sites too.

A summary of a wonderful week. :)

I am back from my 5-day long stay at my grandma's house and finally I am updating my blog. I had such an awfully wonderful week that I am certain that my words would not be enough to describe it. Counting from last Sunday, each day has been a delight; and now a beautiful fragment of my memory! :)

Last Sunday I went to my cousin's place and had such an amazing time there. I gobbled on every last bit of brownies left in the tray. I ate the tastiest of baked potatoes and watched a Beyonce Knowles film late at night. And slept like a baby in my cousin's room with a night light on! (oops, did I just write that! :P) I 'youtubed' like crazy and laughed my head off with my cousin. I truly had the most fantastic stay.

Then on Monday, I came back home gathered my stuff and went to stay at my grandma's house. All my maternal cousin are over there; 'cos here in Pakistan we have a joint-family system. All my maternal uncles and aunts live in one big house.

I stayed there for five days and now I am finally back home. I did the most craziest things over there. I went for shopping twice. Once in a rickshaw(public transport) and ate a shawarma in a rickshaw which was moving with the speed of light. My soft drink and ketchup dripped all over my clothes. Travelling in such a fast moving rickshaw was seriously a near-death experience I later exclaimed while telling my friends. It was bonkers fun after all! :D

The other shopping trip was to a local bargain-bazaar (shopping area) and my maternal aunt (I posted her interview) and (youngest) uncle are like champions in bargain shopping! Like seriously. I got two pairs of sneakers and one flip flop for 4$. I mean that is super super cheap. All I had to do was point out the pair of shoes I liked. The rest was up to them. I love them! :)

Other than that I ate so much while I was there. I ate kulfi (Eastern ice cream), had lassi (a blended yogurt and sugar mixture), had an eastern style burger and samoosas. Bottom-line: Ate A LOT!

And now, I sit here in front of my computer screen, happy and loving my life. A LOT! And yeah, I am really thankful to Allah for surrounding me with people who care so much about me. How would I have lived otherwise?

I am gonna wrap up this post by expressing my utmost gratitude for Ayak, who just gave me such a special award. It's for young bloggers, teenagers like me! :D Well..teenage... I am glad I write about mine on this blog!

Maybe one day when I am old and all weary I will open up this blog and read about my idiocies and my immature thoughts. With my life in front of me, I'll have no regrets or fears! :) InshAllah! :)

Here is the award:

Thanks a lot Ayak! :)

Till next time,

Tata :)

What sucks the most

Okay so after almost a month I hung out with my friends today at a mall, and may I mention something... I didn't like it one bit. Yeah, you read it right, one bit! All the time I felt as if I had missed out on stuff. Half of the things people were talking about I was not able to decipher and the other half which made a little sense just seemed disconnected. Everyone was busy doing their stuff. Two of my friends had their heads lost in texting, I don't know what was going on with them but seriously, they were receiving texts and then passing sheepish smiles to each other. And you know, those scenes in movies where there is this one person who just seems out of place, that person whose eyes are moving like a pendulum between the two main characters; that is what I was like. Seriosuly everything just made no friggin' sense!

And then two other friends of mine arrived: perverts in making. And like one of them is such a...freak! I mean he was chasing girls and everything. At least that is what I deciphered after seeing him mutter stuff to his other guy friends and pointing girls on the next floor! That was all just too eerie. It seemed sick. He was was darting in and out of jewelery stores announcing that he has found the perfect ring! Really could it get weirder than that! :/

Then when I had actually had enough, I called up my brother to come and pick me up. My brother is so sane. I wrote it once in my english journal, while writing an essay, that my brother is a picture of how guys should be. And the moment I caught a glimpse of this teenage boy in a football jersey making his way through the door, I got up said my half hearted good bye weaved my fingers through his and started scurrying towards the door.

The minute I entered my home my mom conjectured that the whole thing went 'just fine'. Her instincts. Then I called up my friend who had dropped out of the scene to tell her that she should have no regrets! She was laughing her ass off. Huh, my 'bitches'. Can't hate 'em, can't ignore them.

Well, I am happy to inform that I have finally found a summer job. I am teaching my friends younger brother the art of creative writing, though I do doubt the fact that I have attained possession of it. But what the heck, I do like the idea of teaching. I am also helping a kid in the neighborhood for free. Her parents can't afford proper tutoring so I offered. It feels nice to help people.

Well, now that I have yarned out all that was building inside me I think I should conclude this post with a:

Tata! :)

Lazy, smug me and the party! :D

Okay, so I really don't know why I don't blog anymore! Maybe it's just mere laziness or the fact that I have a very low number of readers. But seriously every time, Mr. Anonymous's e-mail pops in my inbox, it is successful in triggering enough determination to make me write a post! I wish I had more readers though, the way I used to have before :(.

Anyway, I just came back from an awesome party which I threw for my friends at Pizza Hut. What was the party for? Well, it was certainly not for my pre-boards exams 'cos seriously my result just wasn't worth it! Ha Ha. What actually deserved a celebration was the fact that I am one of the fifty students all around Pakistan who cleared the National Chemistry Contest and are now going to be sponsored for a free training in that subject. How is that! :D

Well, chemistry has always been my subject. I have always been a scorer in that area. Now my finals are starting form 11 th May and I seriously need to get started with the revision. Like seriously!

Other than that, I feel important to mention that I so lorve my friends. All millions of them. Everyone is just so special, I don't believe I have so many nice ones. Okay, so I don't have like this one person I am totally intimate with, I have loads. I don't shy away from talking to people and sharing my thoughts and feelings with them. I believe I have so many dimensions to my personality that just one person is not enough to understand me. I share different dimensions with different people. And that makes life a whole lot easier. I don't have hard core secrets I might shy away from telling. So with me, it's not all that complicated. Secondly, I am the kind who can easily get along with all sorts of people. I don't hold grudges for a very long time (in very rare cases I do). I easily forgive and put stuff behind me. It's hard not to like me, once you get to know me. And seriously I am not being complacent! :P

My mind is bobbling with ideas of writings these days. Stories and poems and scripts I want to write them down but I don't know where my time flies. I don't study, I don't do anything productive. I guess all I do is lie around watching TV or social networking :P (you know my friends!). Khair, There is this new Miley Cyrus song I am crazy about these days. It's 'When I look at you' from the movie 'The last song'. By the way, Liem Hesworth is so hot. I can prove it, 'cos this time my cousin is with me, who usually never supports my guy-choices!

Anyway, I am sleepy and tired. I have to go to school tomorrow. Please pray that I get to studying soon or else..

Tata! :)

.......

I know that I haven't posted for like ages and probably most of you have already forgotten this girl, who babbles a lot and over thinks and gets disappointed over the tiniest of the things and then works her way out.

Well, jog your memories, people, 'cos seriously I am an unforgettable kinda person. I mean, somewhere in the corner of your mind, you'll always find me jumping around. Hehe! Oh gosh, it has been such a long time since I last wrote that I don't know where to begin from. Umm... Well.. Let's begin from school.

Okay, so my pre-boards are about to start. Pre-boards are the exams we have before our finals. They are like preparatory tests. My syllabus is far from being under control. Whenever I open the books, things just jump onto me, making there presence felt, screaming that they have to covered. Those screams terrify me!

I just waste a lot of time, mostly 'cos I watch a lot of T.V. In fact I snort T.V like a drug. It is so difficult to get me away from it, once I switch it on. It's almost the same with me and social networking, social networks have super-glue powers.

Apart from that my junior year is finally about to end. Thing are just making a peaceful finish, just like in those Disney fairy-tale movies when the princess finally gets together with the prince and the the words 'The End' appear in glitter.

When I look back at my year, I realize that I learned so much in junior year. I see myself as such a mature and responsible adult now, which I certainly was not when I made my way in to junior year. I have improved, I know how to handle situations, how to deal with different sorts of people, how to have fun and let go of things. I learned how to stand by my decisions, how to accept things the way they are. I feel satisfied with whoever I am and whatever Allah gave me. Cos I know, I am far better than a lot of others and no wonder, to Allah I shall always remain thankful.

I have had hard times and disappointments and turn downs; but on the contrary some really good moments came my way as well. Some hysterical ones too, I should admit, but all in all a perfect mixture that taught me all the valuable lessons one could learn in her junior year.

I have finally found a group of real nice friends and we have awful fun time together. We make fun of each other and laugh wildly at stuff. Things have finally fallen into places. There still are people who create problems, but then again, I can't make the whole freakin' world work the way I want it to. Some things should let be.

Moving from high school, today I was really missing my sophomore year and my friends in that school. I have mentioned before that after sophomore, I switched schools. I was kinda missing the chill kinda person I used to be there. Everybody's favorite, loved and cared for. In junior year, things are harsh, but life doesn't always give you lemons; sometimes you gonna deal with hazelnuts. (I really don't know why I wrote that, but it makes sense somewhere in my head!! :P)

Mr.Anonymous, I feel delighted that you actually like my blog so much that you mailed me to make me write a post. Well, here you go, a very not-so-entertaining or juicy-gossipy kinda post, but a post all the same.

I am so sorry, that I don't blog often and don't return reader's comments. Nevertheless, I am gratified that you consider my blog worthy enough to stop by and read my bakwaas (the Urdu word for 'useless babble')

Till, I-don't-know-when, bye! :)

When things just don't work..

It's been a long time since I last blogged. High school just keeps me so busy I hardly get time. And usually when my high school routine spares me some time, I am so tired that I just fling myself on the bed and snooze off.

The past week, I was really busy. I had the science project thing going on. I had two projects on my plate. And trust me, science projects are no joke at all. I had to work my ass off to get them right . I was up the whole night, the day before yesterday to work on my management sciences project. I got no sleep at all last week. So yesterday, when I came home I went to bed at five in the evening and woke up at nine in the morning. Thats like almost 16 hors of sleep. WOAH!! And during that period, I had like 6-7 dreams and they crossed my mind at different times through the day. Well, if it isn't already obvious, I am one heck of a dreamer, literally!

Anyway, I mentioned that I was running for the elections, in my previous posts. Well, I feel really bad to write that I wasn't selected. The committee threw me out of the whole election scene, although I spoke my heart out in the interview. I just failed to understand where did I go wrong. I gave in a 100% in my interview. I just really wanted it to work.

You know, things have been going really really wrong for me. I have turned into a loser, a social reject in high school. Everything I try out for, I don't get it. Even the people in the English literary society don't consider me as a member. They don't include me in anything.

So, when I came home yesterday, I cried my heart out in front of my mom. I was so disappointed in myself. It's as if all the popular people rule. It's just them and no one else. I really don't know why I didn't get to run in the elections. I gave in such an intellectual-kinda interview. Maybe, my tears aren't worth it. But it still felt awful bad.

Anyway, I feel much better now, I prayed to Allah, and I know that he is the Master. He has planned things for me and I don't need to cry over His decisions. No wonder, His decisions hold importance over all mine. May my decisions always be overshadowed by His. Ameen. Today, while praying I understood this. Now, I don't feel that bad.

Today, the schools are off, due to a public holiday. And the best part is I still have two days to look forward to. I need sometime at home, to get away from all the drama; some time with my family.

I really really miss my cousin today. It's been long since we last met and I desperately need that one-to-one time with her, when we go all crazy and stuff. I seriously miss that. I hope she visits soon.

Well, that's all that I wanted to say. I don't know when I'll be blogging next, I hope it's sometime soon. :)

Where do I stand??

I have been pretty busy lately preparing for my Mid-terms.  I am trying to put most of my time in studies. Pretty unsuccessful though, I don't think I am still putting in 100%. It is not even 50%, dang! The thing is I am addicted to my blog and all those who leave their comments on my posts. Yesterday while practicing trigonometry, a thought about Amy randomly made it's way in my mind and then I started thinking about Mel and Galikae and Ayak. I wondered what was happening around in their lives. Therefore I promised that I'll update my blog tomorrow and visit everyone else's. So here I am.

Now let's begin with what has been up in my life. Well to begin with, I am starting to lose faith in myself. I am clinging hard to that little string that says: 'It's alright!'. I want to do so much. But my determination doesn't seem to have the magnetic quality of attracting opportunities. The right opportunity doesn't fall in my lap at the right time. I did the debate, I screwed up! I didn't get the editor thing for the school magazine. I got into the English literary society, but nothing ever happens over there. I have lost faith in my writing skills, my public speaking skills. I don't even think, I write that good, anymore. There are so many talented people around me, they use such big words. I never get a big word when I want to. My writings are so stupid and simple. My debate sucked, I know. That is why I lost. I don't even know what people think of me!! :(

I want to do so much. I want to change the world someday, I aspire to do a lot. I have big aims for tomorrow. But I am soo weak at heart. I lose hope quickly, I have faced many failures in life and no wonder they have made me strong. I wait restlessly for my moment, which I call as my moment. I know I suck at writing, I am not even talented or creative!!! Where do I stand?? Which quality do I possess? I seriously have no clue!! 

So I cling to my faith in God and hope that He'll help me retrieve my faith in myself. I shed a tear or two sometimes, but I pray that things will get better. And I try my best to believe that they will, 'cos after all I have faith in God. And that helps. 

I am finally down to my 50th-post. I have a surprise for my blog readers. I am busy these days and don't get time to return comments. I just want to tell y'all that you are the nicest blog readers ever and your comments; they always help! Love ya.   

Here is a hit new Pakistani song I am addicted to..enjoy! IT IS H.O.T!! :P

 

Away from school, less complications!

So I am enjoying my weekend, doing absolutely nothing. Although I have to study A LOT! My midterms are approaching but I am doing absolutely nothing. I just facebook, all day long! I blog and I chat with my friends. I have tried opening books but I shut them every time I open them up. Then I return back to my laptop. That is all that I do these days!

By the way, I feel important to mention over here that I have been a little naughty over the weekend and I have been stalking people on facebook, and when I say people, I mean 'this girl' and 'a guy'. Now I think that 'this girl' has a major crush on 'a guy' and she LOOVES his attention! Absolutely! She puts on statuses for him and she puts on bumper stickers for him. 'This girl' is a friend of mine and I have noticed some change in her attitude. She would NEVER agree that she is crushing on him, but I have talked about this to a lot of people. And everyone drew out the same conclusion: 'this girl' likes 'a guy'. Now 'this girl' and 'a guy' are always chatting on statuses through comments and everything. It seems really stupid, how hard 'this girl' has fallen for 'a guy'!! I just know she has fallen for him.

Now I really don't know if 'a guy' has fallen for this girl or not. 'Cos as far as I know 'a guy' likes someone else and only takes 'this girl' as a friend. I don't know how accurate my presumption is but 'this girl' certainly likes 'a guy'! No doubts about that!! Na-un!

So anyway, I have been stalking both of them since yesterday, visiting their wall and reading through their conversations and analyzing them. I relate 'this girls' bumper stickers and other such stuff to 'a guy' and everything seems soo obvious! I feel like screaming DUH at the top of my lungs.

Yesterday, I showed all the conservations and stuff that they had on facebook to my cousin. I was acting out all the lines that were written as 'this girl' and 'a guy'. We laughed our head off! GOSH, that was funny! :P

Life is more fun, when the cursed name of 'high school' doesn't interfere the sweet lyrics of my life. I have awful fun at home, doing nothing. Anyway, life puts forth challenges and you have to skid through those. I try my level best to skid through my challenges, with God's help. I hope God gives everyone the courage to move on with life.

Anyway, I'll be reaching a 50th post pretty soon and I am thinking of doing something special! I'll let it be a surprise! :) Happy Sunday people! :)

P.S: Please join the Hair, Nails, Blogs community! It is on my sidebar! :)

The debate is tomorrow, fingers crossed!

Okay, so I should be practicing right now. I have a debate competition tomorrow and I am so hoping that I win. I have practiced and people say that I am doing good but all that matters is that impression I put the judges under. I hope I do good! :) -fingers crossed-

So high school, has been pretty complicated and pain-in-the-butt kind these days. There is this guy in my class, who has a a humongous crush on one of my good friends, and he thinks that I am the one stopping her from getting into a relationship with him! And he LOATHES me for that!! That guy is one of those assholes I have written about in my previous posts as well! I mean, what gives him the idea that I would ever butt into someone else's life and stop them from getting into a relationship. I mind my own business and my friend doesn't even like him back. And now that guy is totally after me. He looks at me as he is out to get me, to chew me alive!! My friend hates him as well, but he is under such a stupid random expression that she likes her... GOSH!

So anyway, I had a really nice girl-to-girl talk with a van-mate of mine today. She is such a nice person and awfully cute. A lot of guys in college would like to go out with her, 'cos a lot of guys like her! She is really pretty and cute, it felt nice talking to her!

The 'Gothic inside' guy, seems like a real ladys' man. Girls in my van, they like hanging around with him a lot. He seems pretty popular amongst them! I kinda like him too you know, he is a really nice guy. 'Gothic inside'; no wonder!! :P

I also interviewed for the post of support co-editor for the school magazine. I hope I make it! My interview went pretty well. I have loads to catch up on in my studies. I missed the Mathematics class and the Physics class to practice for debate today. I still have to study for my mid-terms! Gosh, I think I should stop writing now, I soo need to practice! I hope I win! :)

Nothing much!

So the weekend is here again! Life has been pretty ordinary! We are finally into the last week of Ramazan and will soon be celebrating Eid!

Now Eid is a festivle we celebrate once are 30 day fasting is over! Eid is a festivle as gift of God for all those Muslims who fast and spent their Ramazan month is praying to God. So anyways as Eid is a major muslim festivle, we prepare for it in full swing! We buy new clothes, decorate our homes and meet each other! Fabuluos feasts are enjoyed and everything is totally fun! But the best part of Eid is that the adults give the younger ones money, it is a religious practice. The money given is known as Eidi and the kids looove it! :) There is no specific age for Eidi, it is given to people younger than you! My grandpa gives my mom and dad eidi, my dad gives it to me and it goes on! And 'cos of all these reason I LOOOOVE EID!

So tonight I'll be going for Eid shopping with my cousin, uncle and aunt! It is our annual eid shopping trip! Every year all of us go for Eid shopping and have hell of fun! This year my camera will be tagging along too and I'll put all the pictures on my blog! :) So this is how our trip goes, first we go to a really good local resteraunt well-known for its rolls! Then we go to the mall and shop around! Over all it's really fun!

I am sooo looking forward to my shopping trip!

My high school is going pretty fine, nothing new! I am sooo behind my homework that now I give up! What is the use of doing it anyways?? I made friends with another guiy in my class who is a total nerdy! So let's just call him Mr. Nerdy Pants! He is a really nice simple guy, helps around a lot and stands those really stupid jokes that Ayesha and crack every now and then!

The rest is fine, I hope you people have a fabulous weekend! :)

The 'guy' talk!!!

25 August 2009

Okay so I have been talking about a lot of stuff; food, culture, junior year but hello what's the big whoop?? What about the 'guy' talk!?! Being a teenager is a lot about that isn't it???

So when it comes to guys, I am really choosy!! I just don't like any guy!! I have specifications!! But let me just make it clear that here in Pakistan, girls are not allowed to go out. Our ethical codes don't allow us to do that, we can be friends and everything but we don't go out with guys, as in dating and stuff!!

But that doesn't mean that this Pakistani girl can't like anyone, does it? So let's just jump back to the main thing again! Whenever my cousin and I have a girl talk about guys, whe gets sooo agied 'cos I am sooo chotatosy and don't seem to like anyone!!!!

Well, this goes out to her! Here are the qualities that a guy should possess, if he wants to make my likey list!

1. He should look super hot and manly in shalwar kamiz, the national dress of Pakistan.

(This is a fancy shalwar kamiz, worn in weddings! It is known as Sherwani. Sorry couldn't find a better picture)

2. He should have really superb English accent, and must have good writing skill! Explanation: In Pakistan, English is a second language so here not everybody is good at English. But I expect 'the guy' to be really good at it. I know I am good (no showing-off intended) and he should be too.

3. He should be above average in studies, and must be ambitous.

4. He should not be over expressive, over romantic or melodramatic! I hate guys who just keep expressing their feelings, and say lines from movies 'cos they think it's hot! They should be expressive but in a very cute indirect way!! (now you get why my cousin gets agitated!)

5. He should totally respect girls!! Respect is a major thing, no compromise on that!

6. He should have a really fantastic sense of style! He should look good in everything that he wears! A fantastic taste in clothes is really important!

7. He should not smoke, drink or do drugs at all!

8. He should be into books, music and art! (Okay so art is not important, I just wrote it 'cos it goes with the flow...books, music and art!!!)

9. He should be really good in sports and if that sport is tennis, basketball or football, then I'll be all gaga!!

10. He should be as much of a patriot as I am and should have a good vision about politics and current affairs!

11. He should have a really nice and clean sense of humour; with no knack for obscene humour.

12. He should be no where near Edward!! Edward Cullen suffocates me!! How can someone have absolutely nothing in there life except for their love!! Makes me sick! 'The guy' should have a life of his own; his own interests, likes and dislikes! I WANT SOME ONE REAL (I am really practical)

13. I don't want him to be super handsome or super cute, like someone in movies! But he should be likably cute! Cuteness does count! :P

For now these are the things which make me attracted towards guys! With time they might change or more might be added to the list!

Please do share your specifications, if you are choosy or not!

P.S: My junior year is on the right track now, I have sooo much homework to do and here I am wasting my time blogging! But then again, I believe if something makes you happy, it can never be a time waster!

Feeling glum!!! :(

17 August 2009

Okay, so it is my third week in junior year, and it is not even a teensie weensie bit close to what I expected it to be!!!! I did write in a little about my junior year but here is an explicit describtion of how much junior year actually sucks at this moment!!!!

Let's start with some really general things:

- I go to a co-education college, but the strangest part is that girls in my class don't talk to guys and guys don't talk to girls!!! I mean hello???? What's the point of choosing a co-college when you are sooooo damn shy of talking to guys (goes for girls)!!!! Downright loosers! And I soooo totally am stuck with all such girls that I just couldn't make myself do it either!!! SHIT!! I mean it's good that the girls take notice of the ethical codes we have here, but what's the point in being shy!! UGHHHH!!! MAKES ME SOOOO MAD!

-I don't like a lot of people in my college, I mean this guy today was wearing his pant down so low that his boxers were visible, and it looked soooo gross!!! eeeeewww And my friend and I couldn't help making pukey faces!!! And there is this other guy who seems as if he is drunk on a permanent basis! He even drinks water as if he is taking a swig from a bottle of beer! He laughs, funny and drunk!!! Pathetic!! And let's not forget this another guy who has a really high pitched voice and he is a a text messaging addict! And I don't like such people at all, I mean hello why is is important to inform a thousand others through text even when you breath!!!! With him this seems like a case! The bigger picture I don't like a lot of people in my class!

-A lot of time I get this feeling that people in my class don't get me at all!!! I just don't even have a damn idea of what they think of me or how they really are!!! It takes me such a looooong time to judge how people really are! And I don't like being judgmental or anything but what can I do, I just don't know what to think about them!!! I am sooo stressed!!! :( I really miss my school friend Sarwat, who was sooo good in judging people without being judgmental, and she was always right!! And now I am stuck here without her!!!!

-I don't like any...lemme say it again... ANY.... teacher who teaches me!! I almost passed out in the maths class today, I was sooo dang sleepy and then my friend and I started laughing on really stupid things!!! I mean I was sooo sleepy that I was going bananas, and the same was with my friend!!! So actually I don't like my maths teacher! Secondly, I find it really hard to understand what my english teacher babbles about in the whole period, 'cos I just don't have the super powers to understand a word he says! Thirdly, I hate the jokes that my Physics teacher cracks!! I mean, they are really sarcastic and usually they end up in a sarcastic almost fights between these two students ( they are the only ones who can answer the teacher like that, I mean, I don't think they are familiar with the word respect!) The bigger picture: I don't like my teachers!

-Every morning, I have to fight with the strong urge of staying at home and not going to high school, which seems to have a really huge place to store a lot of things I can not make myself like!!! I hope thing get better! Though there are a few shiny corners; a really nice person, Sakina in my van but I just sit in the van for 15 minutes! There are two really funny guys in my class, but then again, nobody talks!! UGHHH! Even the shiny corners seem blotted!!! *cries*.....*heavy heart*

Anyways let me leave you with some treats I have had in previous days!! Thanks for reading through and sharing my pain and agony!!

Well here they are:

This is called a 'Ras Malai' It is a sweet dish with these soft white things (I don't know what we call them) socked in sweet milk with nut!! LOOOOVE IT!

OMG! I feel like having it right now!

On the left we have 'Samoosas', filled with minced meat, the triangular things! On the right we have 'Jalaybian', fried rings made of flour socked in sugar water!!! SWEET AND STICKY!!!

So is that the way junior year works??? hmmm...

6 August 2009


By far I call it the best day of junior year! Well, it's only been four days, but out of the four, today was certainly the best one!

Why do I say so? Here are some reasons:

1. I have made two new friends, who are actually really nice. As far as I know! Although I don't like being the first one to attempt for a conversation, but if I wouldn't have, my friend Ayesha (from my old school) and I would have been isolated from the whole class forever; considering the seats we prefer in the class, the corner most seats at the back! So in the Physics lab I finally broke the ice with, Salima! Who later introduced us (me and Ayesha) to Rida! For now I am pretty happy with them! At least Ayesha and I have someone other than each other to talk to!

2. I was also able to find a very nice van buddy, Sakina! Now not only have I got new friends in my class but also in my van! Could it get any better for a day?

3. Now I am also able to categorize the people in my class, with a little help from Salima and Rida; Ayesha and I have come up with the following categories:
-The totally funny one: Mr. TS
-The one who think she is all that but she is not: Miss. MCO
-The class flirt: Mr. M (though my friend Farwa, another girl from my old school, thinks he is a wanna be, I actually think he isn't that bad!! OMG..he is a good flirt :P)
-The over-smart hateful one: Mr. S (He is desperate and eeeww)
-The really confident, not-afraid-of-anyone, don't-care one: Mr. ZA (he is such a don't care person, he can pass the rudest most hideous comment and not care, though he doesn't do anything like that until triggered to do so!)
-The girl who sits in the corner and observes: Okay so that would be me!

Other than that as it's just been two days since I have started going in a van, I forget which one is my van! And I have to ask this guy to tell me which one it is , so I'll categorize him as The one who knows where my van is!

I think that's it! This is how much I know my junior year class, but then again It has just been four days, eventually I'll know everyone!

Anyways, so today is a holy night known as Shab-e-Barat. We stay up the whole night to pray to the Almighty, and beg for his forgiveness, assistance and mercy. I have plans of praying as well!

Here in Pakistan young kids, mostly tweens and teens of the male species, have this tradition of spending the night blowing off firecrackers! Now the adults are totally against it as it is total disturbance in their prayers. Girls are not into this stuff because they are not allowed out of the house with guys! That is what the ethical code of the society states.

So I have never ever indulged into these activities rather I pray and hate these people for the disturbing! But boys will be boys or should I say animals!

Anyways, I am also planning to fast tomorrow! If you're still not familiar with Muslim tradition of fasting, lemme explain. We get up before dawn and eat a little then after the morning prayer to dusk, we don't eat or drink anything. Then at dusk, after the prayer calling we eat, which is known as Iftar. Our religion gives us this concept, so that we learn patience and we experience what the poor and hungry experience everyday. In the Muslim calender, there is month called Ramadan when we fast for 30 days and then once Ramadan is over we celebrate Eid, a festival for those who have fasted and prayed to Allah.

I'll soon be posting in pictures of how Iftar looks like! Ramadan are about to start too! Hope days to come are good ones! InshAllah!

OOOH!

2 August 2009

Okay..So I have been so busy with everything that I have not been able to update you guys on what have been going around in my life...Well the day is gone and here I am writing about 2nd August when it is 4 August! Well with sooo much going on in my life I can hardly get sometime out for my blogs!!! They used to be my babies..Oh well, the whole day was spent in one thing as far as I can recall! EXPECTING! I was expecting sooo much from my college (what I mean is junior year we call it college in Pakistan!) the cool bunch of people I am going to get, the fabulous activities we are going to have! I slept really anticipated! Prayed to God for the the best day ever!! I wondered what will happen!!
(Trust me I was up for a surprise...read the next day...And sorry for killing the suspence!! Writing about three days in a row!!!)

Things from unexpected corners!

31 July 2009

So it started as a pretty usual Friday, I got up near twelve (don't blame me, I sleep pretty late as well!) checked in what was going around in the house, my maid was cleaning up, mom preparing something from the recipe book and brothers were absorbed in TV!
Huh, well so nothing to do here, therefore I decided to go back to my room to check on my FB account and my blogs! While I was doing that, my mom came in to inform me that we are going shopping after the Friday afternoon prayer! SHOPPING! eeep! I simply love shopping! I think I just can't do without it! The brand conscious sorta person that I am shopping is an essential! I cannot do without it! Shoes, clothes, accessories and sooo much more! As my junior year is about to begin I needed a new bag and obviously, new clothes for the first day! So once I was over with my evening prayers, my mom's friend came to pick us up and off we went to shop!!! YIPPEE!
Our first stop was Zamzama, it's a posh shopping area in Karachi with brands from all around Pakistan and abroad! I went over to one of my favorite shalwaar kamiz stores: Generations After moving around for half an hour or so I finally came across a dress that was worth wearing for my big day! Here are some pics:

The Kameez (shirt)

With the dupatta!

Isn't it lovely? Well I am sorry 'cos the pictures are a bit dark haven't perfected photography yet! So anyways once I was done shopping for my dress I had to tolerate my mom shopping for boring stuff, unstitched clothes! I mean what fun is it...you don't get to try anything!
After that we went to Forum, which is also another posh shopping mall boiling with hot brands! There I bought a really nice bag for myself and two books: The case of exploding mangoes by Mohammad Hanif and The wasted vigil.
I bought the second one as a gift for my cousin who has just cleared her CFA examination Level one! Finally once I was tired of roaming around and my heels were paining really badly, we stopped by to have a sandwich. I had tried the Fajita sandwich the first time but I have got to say that it was really nice except for the the pathetic and humiliating way I ate it! I suck at eating in public! I like private eating or maybe at home! But when it comes to dining out, lets just say that my dinner is never complete without my cheeks going red!
It took us a while to return home 'cos of the terrible traffic, but that didn't matter I had a really nice time shopping today and it is going to take a lot more than terrible traffic to steal the plastered smile on my face!

My shopping bags!

What is in them!

When I came back home my auntie who lives with us, gave me a gift which her friend had brought for me for my fabulus matriculation result! A friend I haven't met in my entire life, a friend who just knows me through mere references! I was sooo damn happy, not 'cos I got the gift but 'cos that friend of hers took the liberty of remembering me!! I called her later to thank her for the amazing gift! What a nice lady!

The unexpected gift!!!

At night when I was sitting in front of the laptop, I was feeling awfully elated and really thankful to God and everybody else who made pleasant things appear from unexpected corners!!!

P.S: At the same time a tiby corner of my mind is juggling between the choices of a new laptop and an iPhone....Hell what should I chose???