The two sides of my coin!

Calgary, is starting to work out for me so well. The school, the neighborhood, the city, the people. I am actually starting to like each bit of it. The beautiful way the surroundings here depict the weather. The way leaves change their color to welcome fall and the way the wind grows more brutal with each day to slowly prepare the dwellers for the winters. I love the wave of happiness that washes over my heart when I feel the warmth of the sun's rays on my skin.

Allah helped me through this process of settling in, He made me move on from people who made fun of me in school and thank Him for people who are nice to me or at least talk to me in a very nice way! :) I found the nicest people in school and have someone to hang around with in every class. School life is on track! :)

I dropped in job applications at two places today, as I am seriously looking forward to working somewhere and earning money. Now, I want to earn money for a lot of reasons. To begin with, I want to send some money in form of charity back to Pakistan for people who are suffering due to floods or poverty. Secondly, I need to satisfy my atrociously wild shopping desires; I mean, I need to upgrade my closet, like a real fashionista, I need to have clothes that are classy and chic. My clothes from Pakistan won't work here as they are meant for warmer climates, so for that I need money. Thirdly, my brothers can't work at this point so I want to look after their little needs as well, so for all these noble causes I need bucks and for bucks I am ready to satisfy my weekends and work! :)

My mom and dad are looking hard for jobs too and I have an intuition that, InshAllah by Allah's will, our future looks bright and promising. :) Calgary is beginning to accept us, as we are beginning to accept Calgary. :) Our house is starting to feel like a home and my brothers and I are as interactive and loving as ever, helping mom and dad and each other. It's like the family is coming closer, growing stronger. :)

But that was just one side of my coin, but when you flip to the other side; things are different.

Every morning when I wake up, I glance at the picture frames on my bedside table and never, does a tear miss a chance to escape my eye and roll down my cheek slowly, making it's movement felt; slithering against my skin. Every morning one such tear makes me realize how half of my heart is still in Pakistan with the people I love more than all other creations in this world combined. Immediate family, they are always loved but then there are people that don't classify as immediate blood but you love those people like brothers and sisters. Those are the people who keep denying when I ask for half of my heart back.

I log on to Facebook and I take hours replying all those people, trying my best to make my presence felt. Telling them about my school and life here. All of them are so wonderful, they always reply me and they miss me so much. They skype me and I know very well, they love me and it comforts me so much to know that.

People keep messaging how they miss me but I hate saying I miss them back. You know why? Because they are empty words compared to my emotions. They are empty words to describe how each of my thought, during the course of the day, links back to Pakistan or someone in Pakistan. They are empty words to describe that every once in a while I surreptitiously wipe a tear off my cheek before anyone notices. They are empty words to describe how every time I go shopping I start looking for things I would have given to my people as birthday gifts. They are empty words to describe how often I imagine myself in situations I would have been in had I still been living in Pakistan. I imagine myself in senior year in Pakistan and the major parties my friends go to and the sleepovers my cousin have. For everything I go through everyday due to separation from Pakistan saying 'I miss you' seems so empty and bland.

My feelings are torn apart between Calgary and Canada. My heart is divided in two. I wanna go back to Pakistan but I wanna be in Calgary too (both wishes have different rationales). I want my people to come here and visit me too. I want Pakistan to improve and be as developed as Canada. It's like everything I think of is chained to two different thoughts. One regarding to Pakistan other to Calgary! For example when I think of weddings, I think of Pakistani weddings. They are so colorful and vibrant and then I think of western weddings how simple and elegant they are. And then I think how would I like mine to be and the answer to this is: I'd like to have both! :/ See, this is how it is in my mind!

John Mayer seems to be aware of such a condition. Because the lyrics of his song 'Half of my heart' is an exact word-to-word description of the sentimental state of my mind right now.

And I am not lying when I say that every word exactly matches my feelings:

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends
Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I’ve been
Then you come crashing in, like the realest thing
Trying my best to understand all that your love can bring

Oh, half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That I can’t keep loving you (can’t keep loving you)
Oh, with half of my heart

Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That I can’t keep loving you, can’t keep loving you
Oh, with half of my heart ( And my mind tells me to keep the past behind me and move on)

I was made to believe I’d never love somebody else
Made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself
Lonely was the song I sang, until the day you came
Showing me another way and all that my love can bring

Oh, half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That I can’t keep loving you (can’t keep loving you)
Oh, with half of my heart
With half of my heart

Your faith is strong
But I can only fall short for so long
Down the road, later on
You will hate that I never gave more to you
Than half of my heart
But I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
With half of my . . .

Half of my heart
Oh, half of my heart

Half of my heart’s got a real good imagination
Half of my heart’s got you
Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That half of my heart won’t do

Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring
And half of my heart is the part of a man who’s never truly loved anything

Half of my heart, oh, half of my heart
Half of my heart, oh, half of my heart
Half of my heart, oh, half of my heart
Half of my heart . . .

Okay and just one last thing before I finally say a 'Tata'. You know, how some fragrances and clothes and songs generate this weird vibe of nostalgia in you. Well, when we landed in Calgary this was the song that was on the plane while we were waiting to go off. At that time, I was a emotional wreak, repugnant towards the idea of moving and I thought I had nothing to look forward to. Well, this song gives me that weird nostalgia!

These were the two sides of my coin.

Tata! :)

One of the worst days of my ENTIRE school life!

Okay, so what's not surprising? Kaibee going to a new school and the experience turning out to be the worst experience ever! Happened last year when I was in Pakistan and happened today in Calgary!

First day of high school, senior year, and it went most extraordinarily BAD. Well, read about my first day in last year. You'll understand how friggin' cursed my first days in new schools are. I kinda knew this was coming but it sucked when it actually hit me in the face!

Well, so this is how it went: I waited almost an hour in the line to get my ID card and yearbook picture done; missed out on the Social studies class. Then I went to my Digital Photography class, which apparently was just the kick start to my miseries. As it was my first day in a school where people have already completed two years, I ended up friendless, partnerless and cameraless. took me 15 minuted to figure the software out and then spent the whole of the period trying to download a manual that later I found out could never be downloaded due to the limitations of the computer! By the time I was on the otehr computer the bell was about to ring. So then I was jsut talking to the teacher about my course and right behind us a highschool couple was engaged in a extrememly gross embrace.

Now belonging to the strong ethical codes of Pakistan that is something I'll only expect to see on TV had I been living in Pakistan, but here I was. Right infront of the actual scene, disgusted! I don't believe thety don't even respect their teacher, in our society it's taught that a teacher is like a second parent because he imparts the rarest light. The light of education. But I guess, that's not how it goes around here. Well, deal with it Kaibee!

After the digital photography class, we had the lunch break. But as expected I ended up on the lunch table alone but then after a little while a nice 10th grader joined me. She was nice. At least I had someone to talk to.

After break I had English, I gave a test there. The Shakespearian I did was so fun. I never knew I enjoyed Shakespear this much I have doen it before but not such big ones. And then Math went fine too.

And then came the worst part. I got off at the wrong stop and I had no clue where I was so I had to call home. But I found two really nice people at a nearby store so it wasn't that bad.

And then when I came home, I discovered taht the hoodie I was wearing still had the tag on! CRAPPP!! I had gone around teh school for a whole day wearing soemthong WHICH STILL HAD TEH TAG ON!!! CRAAPPP! :/
But still, it's just whole lot different from Pakistan. It's like a new world. It's like I am a gazillion miles away from place I have. It's seems dream-like that I was ever in Pakistan. I miss Pakistan so much. There isn't a moment in the day when my thoughts don't connect to Pakistan in soem way. I miss home! :/

So if I enlist them, here are the reasons why school sucks right now:
1. I have friends. Non at all. We are talking the big ZERO here!
2. No locker, I carry around a heavy bagpack all the time!
3. The kids don't respect teachers.
4. The guys don't respect girls. The wanna make the most of every oppertunity they get. If you know what i mean. i am talking about people kissing in the Hallway!
5. The girls have the biggest offers to make. Low self-respects. Sadly! :(
6. People use swearwords like articles. they scream them out in the hallways and stuff! :/
7. I miss my friends and home ALL the time! :(

My cousins have been awesome though. I like my new place too. No internet connections or computer yet though. But that'll get fixed soon.

It's like a lot of bad things squeezed themselves in one day. Haaaaahhhh! I had enough for the whole semester. Oh Allah, please make things work for me! :) Please!

And huh, I think that's it so,
Tata! :)

The All-Pakistani girl in Calgary! :)

Okay so last time when I wrote I was an emotional wreak. I didn't want to leave Pakistan at all, I didn't wanna leave the people but I HAD to...

And then I landed in Calgary

And I really liked it here! A LOT. I found it welcoming and really quiet and peaceful. The only thing that sucks about here is that I don't have MY people around me. My friends, my cousins, my family! The people I love the most. But the city, it's beautiful. Very lovable! :)

Okay so last post was too short and it didn't specify anything. Am I still the all Pakistani girl you guys used to read so much about? Well, yes I am. Why not? Just that now I am the Pakistani girl in Calgary. that's what my blog is going to be about here. My experiences as a Pakistani girl in Calgary. I am thankful to all my readers for liking my blog so much and sticking to it and helping me! I really love you guys.

So from now on, you'll be reading about my adventures in Calgary. I hope they'll be as interesting as the ones I had back in Pakistan. Of course it wouldn't be exactly like Pakistan, Pakistan is my love! :) But they won't be that boring, I promise. My Pakistani ways are alien here! But it's okay. The people here are nice! :)

Well, I start school from next week and I move into my new house this Saturday. Fingers crossed for my new life here! :)

Tata! :)

.................

I am leaving tomorrow for Canada, that's where we are moving!

And trust me, leaving Pakistan sucks! :/ : /

One long post! :)

I have been really busy with the moving as I mentioned in my previous post. So that's all I have been doing lately: packing, meeting people, attending farewell parties and receiving farewell gifts and taking loads of pictures.

I am taking pictures for two reasons: 1. I want to put things on my blog and 2. I want to freeze every beautiful memory of this place before I leave. So this post would be mainly pictorial.

So on Monday I visited my maternal aunt's all-girls, government-owned school. People who read my 5oth post might be aware of my maternal aunt and her school. I posted her interview and about of the work she has done for the school.

So I took pictures of her school and you know it's really sad to know the educational standards in Pakistan. It's like education is only for the rich and the under-privileged don't deserve anything. The government-owned schools due to low tuition fees are places where the kids of the under-privileged study but the Pakistani government doesn't put in enough effort to make their educational experience, a standard one. And though my maternal aunt as the principal put in all the work she could to educate the girls to their best, the government-owned school still lacks modern facilities. The school is built in a tunnel under a flyover in a posh area of Karachi. It has been there for more than four decades but I guess the government is still oblivious. Perhaps they have no idea how hard it is for girls to get educated inside a tunnel, without even a proper school building! (For a detailed report on the school click here)

I'll just let the pictures say the rest:

The school courtyard and the flyover

The classrooms inside the tunnel separated by walls.

A glimpse of their class room

The girls leaving in a queue after the bell rings

Shattered I was after I left the school building. It was simply heart-wreaking, I kept questioning myself; 'Is this a price they have to pay for not being born with a silver spoon in their mouths??' 'So saaaddd'

So innocent were the faces of those girls I really couldn't help smiling when I looked their way, and then their bright smiles in return. I thank God for being so generous to me and giving me a chance to be a part of great schools and I also thank him for enlightening my heart with the sense of responsibility that I have to work for these children and help them. And InshAllah, I will! :)

On a lighter note. I'd also like to share with you some other pictures from recent days. :) So here goes:

I baked brownies a few days back and they turned out delicious! :)

The mixture (before)

In the oven

And the final product!

I got awesome farewell gifts from my bffs

Bun pins! :)

I love love love my friends! :) :) :)

I listened to street children chanting praise for the holy month of Ramadan. :)

The instrument around his neck is a dholak. A traditional south Asian drum-type instrument!

And finally,

Tata! :)

P.S: I just really LOVE Karachi, Pakistan. Moving from here is So hard!

Busy me!

I am so busy these days. My family is moving and there is so much to do. I spend the day packing and planning how to wind stuff up while in the evening I am visiting people at Iftars (Fast breaking) saying my final goodbyes.

That is how my days are passing by. The fight I blogged about in my previous post between with my brothers, is now solved and things are back to normal. As expected, none of them apologized! I just softened up.

I have been eating so much lately, due to the extensive Iftar parties that I seriously think I am getting kinda chubby. But it's just a matter of two weeks after that we'll be out of Karachi and therefore no more farewell parties. This is the thought that doesn't stop me from gulping down huge amounts of food at the parties. Haha! I really like eating. (I am not fat though!)

I still have to buy gifts for my friends. Loads of them. Right after I post this I am writing the names of people I need to buy gifts for, in my planner. Talking of that I don't remember if I have ever mentioned this on my blog before but I am a real planner/organizer freak! I just have to write every single thing down. Every single thing! I plan weeks and years and days. Sometimes minute by minute. Though most of the times I don't go exactly by the planner it does really help in sorting stuff out.

I don't know what else to write! I seriously have nothing else going on in life except for what I have written above. Well, as I really feel like writing more I'll think of stuff to write...Ummm.... Well, I would certainly like to draw your attention towards the flood in Pakistan once again and would also like to appeal for a donation for the victims. You can read more about the flood here.

And finally I would like to mention once again how grateful I am to all those who comment on my blog! :) It's a real pleasure to read what the readers have to say! :) And my readers, themselves have the most interesting blogs ever. Seriously I love reading them!

Well, this was an ordinary post!

Till next time,

Tata! :)

P.S: One of my brother is like so rapt in figuring out the my dad's Samsonite brief case code. Funny! :P

The way it is!

Last night I cried myself to sleep. I had been crying for more than three hours and I was extremely hurt. They say the ones you love the most hurt you the most and yesterday it was asserted.

I was sitting in the terrace yesterday with my cousins when my youngest brother joined us. He wanted the empty milk can I had in my hand. I refused to give it to him, at the same time my cousins were making harmless fun of him and asking him to go away. And then suddenly my brother got all aggressive and between all the argument for the milk can; slapped me my right in the face. So dumbfounded was I that I seriously didn't know what to do. My right cheek was aching and my cousins were giggling around me. The next thing I knew my eyes were burning and I couldn't stop myself from crying.

I ran downstairs and locked myself up in the bathroom for over an hour with my cousins banging the doors and shouting how immature I was acting and all that stuff. But you know, I wasn't acting immature at all 'cos I was extremely hurt. I had never felt this disrespected. I was hurt 'cos I never hurt my brothers or ever hit them. 'Cos I always sacrifice things I love for them. 'Cos I value them but I guess they can never understand that!

Anyway, my youngest brother never came to properly apologize and we are still not on talking terms and neither the eldest or the youngest even slightly bothered. But I guess, it's fine; rather than being hurt all the time by them, it's better not to talk to them!

Other than that, I would like inform that the month of Ramazan has once again enlightened us with it's presence. I posted about it last year as well. Ramazan is a month in the Muslim calender in which Muslims around the world fast and spend their time engaged in praying to Allah. We fast from dawn to dusk and during our fast not only do we prevent ourselves from eating but also from bad worldly deeds. Staying hungry from dawn to dusk enlightens us with the realization that how difficult it is for people who don't have food and water, to survive. Allah wants us to feel the pain of the needy ones which gives birth to the feeling of responsibility that we should help those in need.

I am already done with my first fast, and today is the second day of Ramazan. So for the next 28 days, every morning I'll be getting up before dawn to eat and then at dust I'll be breaking my fast. I really love Ramazans! :) They make me feel intimate with Allah.

My cousin visiting from Canada will be leaving this Sunday. So finally after two months I'll have my house to myself. with the usual people around. The summers have been so busy I don't believe time elapsed this quickly.

Well, that's all I had to say. Thank you for being such regular visitors every one. Love your comments.

Tata! :)