Just a random blog post! :D

Well, a lot of times I have thought of blogging about random things. Just things without stories or lessons I learned or my babbling or my over flowing emotions. :)

So here are the things. My 'just random things'

1. I listen to songs in languages I can not interpret. Some songs just make sense to me. It's like the music speaking and not the lyrics. I listened to this song for the first time in the summer vacations and fell in love instantly. The lyrics of this song is in Persian, the mother language of Urdu (the Language I speak) and absolutely beautiful. It sounds so sweet to the ears.

Here is the lyrics and the translation:

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem

My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Dam darwaza e tagqurghan jayee sanam janim

Your being borders on the divine, my love

Kassi harfe dil e maa ra nadaanist
What I feel for you, no one is privy to it

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Bahaaie mahafel e maa ra nadaanist
No one can fathom the depths or value this love

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Ba joz tofaan kassi dar shahr e ghurbat
The wild storms crashing down on strange, distant cities

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Nishaan e mahfel e maa ra nadaanist
Only they know the true worth of our love

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem

My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Dam darwaza e tagqurghan jayee sanam janim

Your being borders on the divine, my love

Na mekhawahm ke be taabat bebinom
Not ever would I want you to be sad

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Dilam khwahad ke shadaab at bebinam
All I ever need is that you be happy and content

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Nadeedam man ba bedaari rukhat ra
Even if all the flowers in the world wilt and wither away

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Magar hamchu pari khwaabat bebinom
That love I have for you in my heart will not fade

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem

My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Bibi sanam janim, Rawaash e paghmaanem
My love,....

Dam darwaza e tagqurghan jayee sanam janim

Your being borders on the divine, my love

Dile e naazok tar az andisha darum
What my heart feels is far mellower than my thoughts

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Hawaie motadel chun resha darum
There will never be a moment when I won’t yearn for you

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Hama gul hai e aalaam gar bekhoshkad
Bibi, believe me, your love is deeply rooted in my heart

Bibi sanam janim, anaar e sisstaanem
My love, you are like the sweet pomegranate of Sistan

Tu dar baagh e kheialem reesha dary

Even if all the flowers in the world wither….

Bibi sanam janim, Rawaash e paghmaanem
My love,....

Dam darwaza e tagqurghan jayee sanam janim

Your being borders on the divine, my love.

2. I enjoy photography even though I am not that good at it. I just think it's fun!

3. I love Biryani. Back in Pakistan, my aunt used to laughingly quote every time I had Biryani: 'Khulud would rather have home-made Biryani rather than a dinner at a 5-star hotel'. I believe, this statement still applies. For those who don't know what Biryani is, it's an Eastern rice recipe, which is believed to evolve from the Moghal cuisine. And it is probably one of the best thing that has adorned my taste buds.

Mentioning Biryani, I just remembered it has been ages since I have had it. Well I better ask my mom to make it for me! :)

4. I love poodle puppies but my mom wouldn't let me have one. I asked for a kitten and she said no to that too. We once had a duck, but my mom gave it away! :( I want a cat or a puppy!

Who wouldn't want this? *.*

5. I write songs which are so stupid that I have never tried sharing them with anyone.

6. I make stories in my mind, which I plan to write down sometime but then I don't. I am scared that my writing won't do justice to my ideas and then I just don't write them and keep on making stories in my mind. Making stories is my favorite thinking pass time.

7. I hate zits and today I got a really weird zit right above my lip. My skin is usually clear, MashAllah, but with that zit, gosh I looked weird. One of my friends was like: 'You got something above your lip' 'That's a zit'! Well, she didn't make fun of me or whatever, but I just hate zits! :/

8. I have HUGE interests in knowing where I will end up in future. :D

9. I think my English teacher is really cool. No reason, not that I am doing really good at English or whatever. I have no idea what made me form that opinion about him, I just think he is cool! :D

10. I have a badass crush on the following characters:

• Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice (the movie and the book)

• Will Blakelee From 'the Last Song' (Only the book)

I put this picture because I had no other option. Anyway, the guy is hot too! :D

• Gu Jon Pyo from 'Boys over flowers'

The crushes limit to the characters and not the real life actors. 'Cos seriously I have never had a celebrity crush ever. What is the use of crushing on people I would never even me meeting in my life? How stupid. I believe in reality and a practical approach towards life. Hahah!

Well this was an absolutely disconnected and random post. Well, sometimes things pop in my mind from all corners!

Have a nice weekend!

Tata :)

Beyond imagination....

Two years back, I was just your lively, cheerful, full-of-life average teenager studying in a bourgeoisie all-girls' school, planning my future in Pakistan and cursing the hell of high school injustices. Absorbed in the heart-felt school friendships, giggling for hours at stupid jokes, trying to prove chivalry and guts among my classmates and indirectly being boastful of my grades.

Two years back, boys seemed like other-worldly species. Except for the presence of my brothers and dad, I grew wary of every other male presence that lingered by. Little crushes yoked to the possibilities of marriage and everything seemed as if meant to be. There were innocent feuds and I used to cry for my friends and get jealous. :)

Two years back, acing 10th grade was a major part of my life, career and university seemed distant, like those hills I gazed at the night before I left Pakistan. Hills which glistened with sparkles of light, hills which seemed way further than they actually were.

Two years back, when we talked about perverted topics, in fact, even relationships in hissed voices. Our jaws dropped to the floor just thinking of being in a relationship, abandoning the ethical codes of religion and society.

Two years back, I was the girl known as the plucky tomboy of the class. Straight forward and clear. The girl who came from a respectable family background and had a classy sense of style. The girl, who was liked and hated by a lot of people. The girl who watched wrestling and sweet romantic movies (secretly). The girl who left an impact on almost everyone she met and who let people leave an impact on her unconditionally!

Two years back, even my wildest dream couldn't have been as imaginative as to predict the possibility of being a thousand miles away from Pakistan in the next two years.

One year back the immigration letter made it's entrance into our lives.

A year back, I started in a co-ed school. When I was just too careful and awkward with guys, I thought they were my enemies! And then when I made good friends with the guys and girls, I moved in a group of 13 people. Loved by everyone. Did well in school yet felt underestimated all the time. Felt depressed.

A year back I found the most wonderful friend in a person who had been with me (unnoticed) for 12 years. She was so sweet and innocent sometimes I felt bitter compared to her. Her feelings so delicate and sensitive made me realized the decency she embraced. We talked like we have done a lot of wrong things and that we were a mess. A year back I never realized I would miss her that much.

A year back, I started acknowledging my surrounding like never before. I observed people caught up in the interplay of lust and youth, always trying to prove something with their braggadocio. Talking about all those western things like they were an obvious part of their lives. I observed people, trying to follow the western patterns of society defying our social norms and virtues.

A year back, I cursed myself whenever I had an unintended physical contact with a guy because it was against my culture and religion. I avoided perverted group conversations, 'cos I thought they adulterated the healthy friendships. I stopped myself from getting in to a relationship or breaking the norms of my society. And although, I slipped at some points I got back up, with stronger self-control and confidence.

A year back, I had seriously started considering the point that Pakistan might not be a witness to my entire life after all and Calgary might take Pakistan's place for a while. I started doing things, thinking it might be for the last time. My feelings were a mixture of a desperation and elation; the joy of a new experience and the grief of leaving everything behind.

A year back, I listened to Jonas brothers and Miley Cyrus and got disturbed even at the idea of smoking weed, or drinking. A year back, even after knowing everything, I was far away from the real world; living in the cocoon under my parent's protective wings not ready to face the world.

A year back, I learned how to get over stuff. I learned how to move on with life and I learned the importance of my friends in my life.

Today, I am a part of a liberal North American high school. Every day I come across many people with all sorts of faiths and cultures and I stand head-high proud of my own. I observe different cultures and it makes me love my culture even more. I understand how each culture in the world has it's roots and values and how absurd it is to follow a culture that contradicts your own.

Today, I talk to guys with extreme self-control. I am determined not to be a part of a relationship that would eventually end up in a break up. I am determined to maintain a zero physical contact policy till I get married. Boyfriends, relationships or sex doesn't fascinate me like it does a lot of people. My culture doesn't allow this and neither should I wallow in it.

Today, I strongly believe that Allah wants us to explore the world because he doesn't want our views to be primitive. Living in Calgary has made me closer to God, it has enlightened me about things I wouldn't have known had I lived in Pakistan forever!

Today, I feel independent, ready to face the world. I am out of my cocoon. I make my own decisions and I chose my own paths and I know my parents are there trusting me and guiding me through my life. I believe in myself and God. And I don't give a damn about people who have problems with me 'cos I have faith in God!

Today I listen to Nickelback, One republic, Lifehouse and John Mayer because their music and lyrics makes more sense to me than Jonas or Cyrus ever could. I think over issues deeply and avoid mistakes.

Today, while on my way to the mall, with my two new friends I realized, how drastically three years have changed me, in to a more sensible, more mature adult. How Allah has been generous to me keeping me away from major sins.

Today, I have no regrets, nothing I want to change in my past, nothing I have to change and nothing I have to redeem. I am an individual who made, through Allah's help, all the right decisions, who didn't hurt anyone, who respects and values all of Allah's creations in this world. I respect people's religions, their cultures and their traditions. There is a reason why Allah created so many different people in this world.

Today, I write this blog post to record this wonderful moment of enlightenment and gratitude, that life is such a wonderful gift and God has written our faiths with such adeptness that we can hardly cry for a misfortune. I don't know what Allah has planned for me, but I am sure they are big plans! :) And oh God, I trust you with my life so much! :)

I guess this was a sentimental post!

Tata! :)

The two sides of my coin!

Calgary, is starting to work out for me so well. The school, the neighborhood, the city, the people. I am actually starting to like each bit of it. The beautiful way the surroundings here depict the weather. The way leaves change their color to welcome fall and the way the wind grows more brutal with each day to slowly prepare the dwellers for the winters. I love the wave of happiness that washes over my heart when I feel the warmth of the sun's rays on my skin.

Allah helped me through this process of settling in, He made me move on from people who made fun of me in school and thank Him for people who are nice to me or at least talk to me in a very nice way! :) I found the nicest people in school and have someone to hang around with in every class. School life is on track! :)

I dropped in job applications at two places today, as I am seriously looking forward to working somewhere and earning money. Now, I want to earn money for a lot of reasons. To begin with, I want to send some money in form of charity back to Pakistan for people who are suffering due to floods or poverty. Secondly, I need to satisfy my atrociously wild shopping desires; I mean, I need to upgrade my closet, like a real fashionista, I need to have clothes that are classy and chic. My clothes from Pakistan won't work here as they are meant for warmer climates, so for that I need money. Thirdly, my brothers can't work at this point so I want to look after their little needs as well, so for all these noble causes I need bucks and for bucks I am ready to satisfy my weekends and work! :)

My mom and dad are looking hard for jobs too and I have an intuition that, InshAllah by Allah's will, our future looks bright and promising. :) Calgary is beginning to accept us, as we are beginning to accept Calgary. :) Our house is starting to feel like a home and my brothers and I are as interactive and loving as ever, helping mom and dad and each other. It's like the family is coming closer, growing stronger. :)

But that was just one side of my coin, but when you flip to the other side; things are different.

Every morning when I wake up, I glance at the picture frames on my bedside table and never, does a tear miss a chance to escape my eye and roll down my cheek slowly, making it's movement felt; slithering against my skin. Every morning one such tear makes me realize how half of my heart is still in Pakistan with the people I love more than all other creations in this world combined. Immediate family, they are always loved but then there are people that don't classify as immediate blood but you love those people like brothers and sisters. Those are the people who keep denying when I ask for half of my heart back.

I log on to Facebook and I take hours replying all those people, trying my best to make my presence felt. Telling them about my school and life here. All of them are so wonderful, they always reply me and they miss me so much. They skype me and I know very well, they love me and it comforts me so much to know that.

People keep messaging how they miss me but I hate saying I miss them back. You know why? Because they are empty words compared to my emotions. They are empty words to describe how each of my thought, during the course of the day, links back to Pakistan or someone in Pakistan. They are empty words to describe that every once in a while I surreptitiously wipe a tear off my cheek before anyone notices. They are empty words to describe how every time I go shopping I start looking for things I would have given to my people as birthday gifts. They are empty words to describe how often I imagine myself in situations I would have been in had I still been living in Pakistan. I imagine myself in senior year in Pakistan and the major parties my friends go to and the sleepovers my cousin have. For everything I go through everyday due to separation from Pakistan saying 'I miss you' seems so empty and bland.

My feelings are torn apart between Calgary and Canada. My heart is divided in two. I wanna go back to Pakistan but I wanna be in Calgary too (both wishes have different rationales). I want my people to come here and visit me too. I want Pakistan to improve and be as developed as Canada. It's like everything I think of is chained to two different thoughts. One regarding to Pakistan other to Calgary! For example when I think of weddings, I think of Pakistani weddings. They are so colorful and vibrant and then I think of western weddings how simple and elegant they are. And then I think how would I like mine to be and the answer to this is: I'd like to have both! :/ See, this is how it is in my mind!

John Mayer seems to be aware of such a condition. Because the lyrics of his song 'Half of my heart' is an exact word-to-word description of the sentimental state of my mind right now.

And I am not lying when I say that every word exactly matches my feelings:

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends
Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I’ve been
Then you come crashing in, like the realest thing
Trying my best to understand all that your love can bring

Oh, half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That I can’t keep loving you (can’t keep loving you)
Oh, with half of my heart

Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That I can’t keep loving you, can’t keep loving you
Oh, with half of my heart ( And my mind tells me to keep the past behind me and move on)

I was made to believe I’d never love somebody else
Made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself
Lonely was the song I sang, until the day you came
Showing me another way and all that my love can bring

Oh, half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That I can’t keep loving you (can’t keep loving you)
Oh, with half of my heart
With half of my heart

Your faith is strong
But I can only fall short for so long
Down the road, later on
You will hate that I never gave more to you
Than half of my heart
But I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
I can’t stop loving you
With half of my . . .

Half of my heart
Oh, half of my heart

Half of my heart’s got a real good imagination
Half of my heart’s got you
Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you
That half of my heart won’t do

Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring
And half of my heart is the part of a man who’s never truly loved anything

Half of my heart, oh, half of my heart
Half of my heart, oh, half of my heart
Half of my heart, oh, half of my heart
Half of my heart . . .

Okay and just one last thing before I finally say a 'Tata'. You know, how some fragrances and clothes and songs generate this weird vibe of nostalgia in you. Well, when we landed in Calgary this was the song that was on the plane while we were waiting to go off. At that time, I was a emotional wreak, repugnant towards the idea of moving and I thought I had nothing to look forward to. Well, this song gives me that weird nostalgia!

These were the two sides of my coin.

Tata! :)

One of the worst days of my ENTIRE school life!

Okay, so what's not surprising? Kaibee going to a new school and the experience turning out to be the worst experience ever! Happened last year when I was in Pakistan and happened today in Calgary!

First day of high school, senior year, and it went most extraordinarily BAD. Well, read about my first day in last year. You'll understand how friggin' cursed my first days in new schools are. I kinda knew this was coming but it sucked when it actually hit me in the face!

Well, so this is how it went: I waited almost an hour in the line to get my ID card and yearbook picture done; missed out on the Social studies class. Then I went to my Digital Photography class, which apparently was just the kick start to my miseries. As it was my first day in a school where people have already completed two years, I ended up friendless, partnerless and cameraless. took me 15 minuted to figure the software out and then spent the whole of the period trying to download a manual that later I found out could never be downloaded due to the limitations of the computer! By the time I was on the otehr computer the bell was about to ring. So then I was jsut talking to the teacher about my course and right behind us a highschool couple was engaged in a extrememly gross embrace.

Now belonging to the strong ethical codes of Pakistan that is something I'll only expect to see on TV had I been living in Pakistan, but here I was. Right infront of the actual scene, disgusted! I don't believe thety don't even respect their teacher, in our society it's taught that a teacher is like a second parent because he imparts the rarest light. The light of education. But I guess, that's not how it goes around here. Well, deal with it Kaibee!

After the digital photography class, we had the lunch break. But as expected I ended up on the lunch table alone but then after a little while a nice 10th grader joined me. She was nice. At least I had someone to talk to.

After break I had English, I gave a test there. The Shakespearian I did was so fun. I never knew I enjoyed Shakespear this much I have doen it before but not such big ones. And then Math went fine too.

And then came the worst part. I got off at the wrong stop and I had no clue where I was so I had to call home. But I found two really nice people at a nearby store so it wasn't that bad.

And then when I came home, I discovered taht the hoodie I was wearing still had the tag on! CRAPPP!! I had gone around teh school for a whole day wearing soemthong WHICH STILL HAD TEH TAG ON!!! CRAAPPP! :/
But still, it's just whole lot different from Pakistan. It's like a new world. It's like I am a gazillion miles away from place I have. It's seems dream-like that I was ever in Pakistan. I miss Pakistan so much. There isn't a moment in the day when my thoughts don't connect to Pakistan in soem way. I miss home! :/

So if I enlist them, here are the reasons why school sucks right now:
1. I have friends. Non at all. We are talking the big ZERO here!
2. No locker, I carry around a heavy bagpack all the time!
3. The kids don't respect teachers.
4. The guys don't respect girls. The wanna make the most of every oppertunity they get. If you know what i mean. i am talking about people kissing in the Hallway!
5. The girls have the biggest offers to make. Low self-respects. Sadly! :(
6. People use swearwords like articles. they scream them out in the hallways and stuff! :/
7. I miss my friends and home ALL the time! :(

My cousins have been awesome though. I like my new place too. No internet connections or computer yet though. But that'll get fixed soon.

It's like a lot of bad things squeezed themselves in one day. Haaaaahhhh! I had enough for the whole semester. Oh Allah, please make things work for me! :) Please!

And huh, I think that's it so,
Tata! :)

The All-Pakistani girl in Calgary! :)

Okay so last time when I wrote I was an emotional wreak. I didn't want to leave Pakistan at all, I didn't wanna leave the people but I HAD to...

And then I landed in Calgary

And I really liked it here! A LOT. I found it welcoming and really quiet and peaceful. The only thing that sucks about here is that I don't have MY people around me. My friends, my cousins, my family! The people I love the most. But the city, it's beautiful. Very lovable! :)

Okay so last post was too short and it didn't specify anything. Am I still the all Pakistani girl you guys used to read so much about? Well, yes I am. Why not? Just that now I am the Pakistani girl in Calgary. that's what my blog is going to be about here. My experiences as a Pakistani girl in Calgary. I am thankful to all my readers for liking my blog so much and sticking to it and helping me! I really love you guys.

So from now on, you'll be reading about my adventures in Calgary. I hope they'll be as interesting as the ones I had back in Pakistan. Of course it wouldn't be exactly like Pakistan, Pakistan is my love! :) But they won't be that boring, I promise. My Pakistani ways are alien here! But it's okay. The people here are nice! :)

Well, I start school from next week and I move into my new house this Saturday. Fingers crossed for my new life here! :)

Tata! :)

.................

I am leaving tomorrow for Canada, that's where we are moving!

And trust me, leaving Pakistan sucks! :/ : /

One long post! :)

I have been really busy with the moving as I mentioned in my previous post. So that's all I have been doing lately: packing, meeting people, attending farewell parties and receiving farewell gifts and taking loads of pictures.

I am taking pictures for two reasons: 1. I want to put things on my blog and 2. I want to freeze every beautiful memory of this place before I leave. So this post would be mainly pictorial.

So on Monday I visited my maternal aunt's all-girls, government-owned school. People who read my 5oth post might be aware of my maternal aunt and her school. I posted her interview and about of the work she has done for the school.

So I took pictures of her school and you know it's really sad to know the educational standards in Pakistan. It's like education is only for the rich and the under-privileged don't deserve anything. The government-owned schools due to low tuition fees are places where the kids of the under-privileged study but the Pakistani government doesn't put in enough effort to make their educational experience, a standard one. And though my maternal aunt as the principal put in all the work she could to educate the girls to their best, the government-owned school still lacks modern facilities. The school is built in a tunnel under a flyover in a posh area of Karachi. It has been there for more than four decades but I guess the government is still oblivious. Perhaps they have no idea how hard it is for girls to get educated inside a tunnel, without even a proper school building! (For a detailed report on the school click here)

I'll just let the pictures say the rest:

The school courtyard and the flyover

The classrooms inside the tunnel separated by walls.

A glimpse of their class room

The girls leaving in a queue after the bell rings

Shattered I was after I left the school building. It was simply heart-wreaking, I kept questioning myself; 'Is this a price they have to pay for not being born with a silver spoon in their mouths??' 'So saaaddd'

So innocent were the faces of those girls I really couldn't help smiling when I looked their way, and then their bright smiles in return. I thank God for being so generous to me and giving me a chance to be a part of great schools and I also thank him for enlightening my heart with the sense of responsibility that I have to work for these children and help them. And InshAllah, I will! :)

On a lighter note. I'd also like to share with you some other pictures from recent days. :) So here goes:

I baked brownies a few days back and they turned out delicious! :)

The mixture (before)

In the oven

And the final product!

I got awesome farewell gifts from my bffs

Bun pins! :)

I love love love my friends! :) :) :)

I listened to street children chanting praise for the holy month of Ramadan. :)

The instrument around his neck is a dholak. A traditional south Asian drum-type instrument!

And finally,

Tata! :)

P.S: I just really LOVE Karachi, Pakistan. Moving from here is So hard!